A Miracle in Your Marriage

Can we expect a miracle in our marriage; when frustrations, failures and fears have a tendency to creep up in what we thought was a near perfect romance? When love spirals down and tensions spews up in tirades of anger? Can I expect the best when all I am seeing is the worse?

I think it is interesting to note the first miracle Jesus performed was at a wedding. I think it is not a coincidence but determined to prove a point.

First, to declare Jesus is as welcome in the casual atmosphere of life as He is in the stately worship of a Sunday service. We find Jesus in a stable, at the seashore with fishermen, at dinner with a tax collector, walking through a vineyard, sitting on a mountainside and visiting in people’s homes. Jesus feels at home in our home if you simply welcome Him into your home.

Secondly, Jesus was at the wedding to exhibit His miracle working power. Jesus worked a miracle at a wedding and He is still working miracles in marriages today. If Jesus can turn water into wine at a wedding then He can turn friction into love, anger into respect and separation into togetherness. Marriage is a trinity including husband, wife and Jesus; without Jesus, your marriage is incomplete. But miracles still happen in marriages. A couple who had been separated by bitter and hateful words is making a go of it again. A couple’s heated argument was changed into trust and honor. Yes, Jesus can still work a miracle in your marriage. Sound like a fairy tale? Here are some practical steps to marriage miracles:

Be thankful True gratitude can open the hardest of hearts. Instead of trying to change each other be thankful for those virtues that brought you together in the first place. Your “first love” was based on attraction – dig those up from your hidden memory and be outspoken in your gratitude for each of these. Express your thanks be writing a note, a phone call in the middle of a busy afternoon, or at dinner time.

Be prayerful Prayer is the key to every marriage. Pray for your wife/husband for extra strength and love. Pray for yourself that you would become the kind of husband/wife God would be pleased with. Prayer will soften your heart and your spouse.

Be kind Kindness can get more do through one single act than a million complaints. No greater attribute in marriage can get more done. It may take time but its results are astounding. Don’t give to get and don’t expect kindness in return, just make it your common virtue.

Be respectful Men marry for respect, honor and regard – to compliment a man is like adding a deposit to your savings account, it will build with interest. Women marry for love and to support her with a sense of security and one to one attention will build a lifelong marriage.

Be real Dishonesty breaks the strongest marriage. Real relationships are built on trust – once broken, it make takes months or years to repair. Cover ups and hidden deceit break the back bone of love. Be honest, transparent and humble and watch miracles happen in your marriage.   

How to Win the Heart of Your Wife

Winning the heart of your wife isn’t as difficult as men may think it to be, not that woman are easy but the steps to winning her heart are not that difficult. Sometimes it simply means we must change our routine. You might add, “I am not good at this,” but you won her heart when you were dating so what is different now? You can do this but you must be willing to put your heart into it also. Merely accomplishing four steps and thinking you have done your duty then questioning why she is not responding is usually because you didn’t have your heart into it. Your heart creates the heat otherwise, it is simply a task to fulfill.

Tell her at least twice a day you love her. Looking into her eyes, say, “I love you” with passion. This is not to be construed with putting a move on your wife. She simply wants to hear you say, I Love You,” without any strings attached.

Surprise her. Don’t go out and spend a lot of money – this can have the reverse effect. Maybe a candy bar that she loves, a special Starbucks drink, or possibly wash the dishes for her and let her sit down and relax.

Compliment her This goes a long way. Heartfelt compliments can do immeasurable good in a marriage. Telling her you like the way she did her hair. Saying you like what she is wearing and honestly, “It looks like you are losing weight.”

Date her Do the things you did when dating as a young couple. recreate events that took place.Or, go to her favorite restaurant or go to an event together, maybe shopping.

How to Win the Heart of Your Husband

Of the questions asked, this one gets asked the most, How do I win over the heart of my husband? I feel like I am losing him. We don’t talk much anymore. Or, he seems so distant.

First, of all, understand a man’s communication code. Once he is focused on a subject or object it is hard for him to pull himself away. Men love their caves. Their withdrawal into silence isn’t meant to offend or resist any intervention but is simply a man’s way of dealing with the circumstances or stresses around him. He may pull into the silent zone for a few days if making an important decision. Don’t fear when he goes into his cave – he is thinking.

Now I know what you are saying, “I want him to tell me what he is thinking.” Of course, but he doesn’t know what he is thinking yet. He is still processing his thoughts and once he digests it then he will be ready to talk.

Here are a few ways to bring your husband around to a heartfelt discussion and win his heart in the process.

I trust you – No greater words can be spoken to a man than these three words. You must trust him to make the right decision even when you think he should ask for your opinion. Once he is done processing and he begins to talk say something like, “I trust you to do the right thing – have you thought about …..” Don’t use the word “but” or “Well, I tell you what I think,” or “You never want my opinion.” This is crossing out the line, “I trust you.” Lead him around to your opinion by kissing him and saying softly, “I trust you and when you are ready to talk about it, I will be ready to listen.” Powerful words and oftentimes, he will be ready to listen to your advice or opinion.

I need you – This places the ultimate responsibility on the man. Remember the cartoon where the damsel was tied to the railroad track by the bad guy and the good guy would come and rescue her at the last-minute? Your man wants to feel you need him to rescue you. The damsel in distress arouses his manly feelings for heroism. Not whimpering, whining or crying woman because men freeze up with these tactics – they honestly don’t know how to respond. Men marry for strokes not sex, this will keep him attahced to the wife who encourages him and makes him feel important.

I love you - A well placed, “I love you.” As the Bible says, “Apples of gold in pictures of silver.” Abigail brought the right gift and the right words to King David and he later chose her to be his wife after her husband passed away. Not just saying, “I love you” but expressing it throughout the day, bringing him a glass of water, fixing his favorite dessert or simply being there beside him.

I believe you -  Your husband is not a liar but men have a difficult time talking in “woman” language. Therefore, interpretations and descriptions get jumbled up into a mirage of words difficult to understand by the opposite sex. “You said what?” won’t be as effective as “I believe in you.” One man said, “Fighting for your marriage is more important than winning the fight.” Remember, winning him over is the key to a long-lasting love and good communication but it starts with believing in him.

Five Steps to a Happy Marriage

We aren't without our disagreements but with my wife and I having 34 years behind us we have picked up on a few tips along the way to make things a bit less stressful. No body will say marriage is easy but we can say we can make it easier by following basic procedures of communication and relationships.

1. Hot buttons. You know what ticks her off , the words that escalate into a scene. Don't compare, belittle or unjustly criticize by hitting the same hot button day after day. By avoiding the hot buttons we can eliminate 60% of the stress of marriage and 80% of the conflict. Find those hot buttons and stay away from them.

2. Forgive. The biggest word in marriage. Don't hold on to the past arguments. Accept the forgiveness Christ has given you and forgive others easily. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Honestly and sincerely forgive. Steve and Rachel (not their real names) were both cheating on each other but after a sincere and honest prayer of repentance they both forgave each other and moved on in their marriage - it has now been three years of reconciliation. It hasn't always been easy for them but they are making it work.

3. Invest. This is one of the biggest words in marriage. Invest in your marriage. Meet her for lunch during her work day. Take her on a date. Go on a weekend vacation. Go shopping together. Spend time together. Women equal time spent with her as a love gift. A wife who complements her husband will keep him for a long time.

4. Laugh. Having fun in a marriage is one of the best cures for the anxieties of life. The Bible says, A merry heart does good like a medicine. Live a little light-hearted and don't take you self too serious.

5. Pray. Praying together will melt differences and keep your heart soft. Pray often together and for each other.

The Marriage Seasons

Each time the seasons change you will hear something like, "Oh, I just love fall." Or, they may say, "Spring is my favorite time of year." Or, "I could live with summertime weather all the time." But no matter what season you love, and in whatever climate you live, (unless extreme south or extreme summer). You will notice there are changes brought into your life by the changing seasons. It is more than the fall leaves of autumn, the budding flowers of spring, the crisp air of winter or the humid days of an August summer. It is the activities of life that make the seasons enjoyable or repulsive.

Marriage has its seasons and the events, activities and attitudes of each season can make it repulsive or enjoyable. Take for instance, researches say there are four extreme changes in a couples marriage. The first one takes place usually around the third year of marriage, friction begins to develop and mount over the differences found in our individuality. When two begin to become one flesh - friction will develop. So naturally, the differences accumulate into "irreconcilable differences," but they are reconcilable if we will follow three definitive steps: 1. Realize that there are no perfect couples 2. Forgive easily, and 3. let your differences become compliments of style and creativity. People don't usually marry someone like them but moistly, marry someone who is weaker in definite areas where they are strong.

The second major season is during the 7th year. Children are in school, moms are bored, dads are overworked, stress is inevitable, and schedules become chaotic. Here are three tips to making this season a little more enjoyable. 1. Plan ahead and schedule well. 2. Plan time alone with just the two of you and go on occasional dates. 3. Don't let the children set the day - have them set the day around you and your husband's needs first.

The third major season is the fifteenth year. Boredom is the culprit. The children are in high school, mom and dad are tired most of the time, money may be tight and life is complicated. Mostly, this difficult time can be fixed by 1. Focusing on the marriage with exciting dates, time off, a night out with friends or family without the kids, and, 2. Having talk times set at the breakfast table or before you go to bed where you can communicate without interruption.

The last season is usually midlife around the 25th year of marriage. Physical life changes add to the mix of some emotional days but these are not marriage ending conflicts. Enjoy the good days, spend time together in relaxed moments, rev up your sex life and focus on the grandchildren are all quick ways to get the emotions settled down and the marriage back on track.

Now, let's put our best effort's forward and strive to have a great marriage in any season of life.