Investing Into Your Marriage

People sometimes marry for all the wrong reasons. When a couple marries, it develops into a frenzy of emotion – sadly, for some; it only lasts for a few years before love fades, collapsing into separation and misunderstanding.

Love must be, should be, something more than physical. Regardless how the movies portray marriage – love develops over time. Two people grow in love with each other until more is invested in the marriage than one is willing to withdraw from.

Investing into your marriage becomes the diamond of beauty

Investing in the love, the husband and wife share, is called commitment. It isn’t give and take – it is give and give. Investment usually involves putting someone of value into something we trust. Marriage defined is putting something we value into the one we trust.

For many – to be able to trust the one you love with your soul, your thoughts, your life, your being, your secrets and your dreams is the peak of love. Moving from emotion to trust is a major step in marriage. After the struggle to survive often a couple will find a deeper love and a deeper trust in one another.

Making deposits into your checkbook guarantees’ you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Making deposits into your marriage guarantees you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Life has a way of making one withdrawal after the other – depleting the account. We must add deposits intentionally and on a regular basis.

 

The more you put into your marriage the more you are able to take out of your marriage

 

Simply investing more into your marriage than you are taking out isn’t just good business sense but it is simply good sense. Let’s look at some common sense ways we can’t invest into our marriage:

Expressions Of Love Holding her hand as you walk together, rubbing her shoulders, or a gentle hug when she comes in from work is adding value in your marriage. It is said a wife needs seven nonsexual touches a day for emotional well being. Don’t be like one guy who patted his wife on the back seven times and felt he had accomplished his expression of love.

Spend Prime Time Together Taking a walk together, grabbing a cup of coffee, taking her lunch to her at work, watching a movie together after the kids have gone to bed, can be prime time events investing into your love relationship.

Write a Note Slipping a note into her lunch bag, having a note posted to the bathroom mirror or having a card waiting for her on the dinner table can fill the emotional love tank up to full. Write meaningful, heartfelt words that you noted her beauty, her strength, her character or her recent decisions.

Pray Together Discover each other's needs. Pray for each other and confess your own weaknesses. Praying together over your marriage, over your home and over your children will multiply your deposits.

You might think of something that creates a better atmosphere of love in your home but whatever you do you must do regularly, continually making deposits into your marriage.

Comment: What would you add to this list of deposits?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Miracle in Your Marriage

Can we expect a miracle in our marriage; when frustrations, failures and fears have a tendency to creep up in what we thought was a near perfect romance? When love spirals down and tensions spews up in tirades of anger? Can I expect the best when all I am seeing is the worse?

I think it is interesting to note the first miracle Jesus performed was at a wedding. I think it is not a coincidence but determined to prove a point.

First, to declare Jesus is as welcome in the casual atmosphere of life as He is in the stately worship of a Sunday service. We find Jesus in a stable, at the seashore with fishermen, at dinner with a tax collector, walking through a vineyard, sitting on a mountainside and visiting in people’s homes. Jesus feels at home in our home if you simply welcome Him into your home.

Secondly, Jesus was at the wedding to exhibit His miracle working power. Jesus worked a miracle at a wedding and He is still working miracles in marriages today. If Jesus can turn water into wine at a wedding then He can turn friction into love, anger into respect and separation into togetherness. Marriage is a trinity including husband, wife and Jesus; without Jesus, your marriage is incomplete. But miracles still happen in marriages. A couple who had been separated by bitter and hateful words is making a go of it again. A couple’s heated argument was changed into trust and honor. Yes, Jesus can still work a miracle in your marriage. Sound like a fairy tale? Here are some practical steps to marriage miracles:

Be thankful True gratitude can open the hardest of hearts. Instead of trying to change each other be thankful for those virtues that brought you together in the first place. Your “first love” was based on attraction – dig those up from your hidden memory and be outspoken in your gratitude for each of these. Express your thanks be writing a note, a phone call in the middle of a busy afternoon, or at dinner time.

Be prayerful Prayer is the key to every marriage. Pray for your wife/husband for extra strength and love. Pray for yourself that you would become the kind of husband/wife God would be pleased with. Prayer will soften your heart and your spouse.

Be kind Kindness can get more do through one single act than a million complaints. No greater attribute in marriage can get more done. It may take time but its results are astounding. Don’t give to get and don’t expect kindness in return, just make it your common virtue.

Be respectful Men marry for respect, honor and regard – to compliment a man is like adding a deposit to your savings account, it will build with interest. Women marry for love and to support her with a sense of security and one to one attention will build a lifelong marriage.

Be real Dishonesty breaks the strongest marriage. Real relationships are built on trust – once broken, it make takes months or years to repair. Cover ups and hidden deceit break the back bone of love. Be honest, transparent and humble and watch miracles happen in your marriage.   

Three Questions Every Married Women is Asking

Married women are asking questions and nobody dare to answer them and there are three major reasons why. The first is no one really knows what the questions are. Secondly, most are afraid to answer the questions, and thirdly, most married women who ask questions aren't really looking for answers.

But if we did know what the questions are and if we can assume they really want answers and we dare to walk where angels fear to tread, then read on, at your own risk, because women can answer a question without really giving an answer but be careful, be very careful, to the man who endeavors to answer the question, (see point three above).

The three questions most married women are asking:

1.       Does my husband think I still look good?

2.       Does my husband still love me?

3.       Is my husband listening to me?

Now, I know I will get emails and other comments saying that is NOT the question they are asking and I must admit, there are many more questions married women are asking but remember I am a male, I am writing this from a husband prospective. When women ask questions these are the three questions most husbands are hearing.

First, does my husband think I still look good? Your husband may or may not have married you for your looks. If you actually wowed him during courtship then you may have some reasons to worry when you reach 75 but when you are 75 there are many more ways to keep him around for a few more years. But most husbands marry because he enjoyed being around you, (assuming of course, that women are actually reading this blog). He married you for fun, laughs, good times; he felt completed with you and would not be completed without you.

Let me explain, women think men marry for sex but actually most men marry for strokes. They actually like to be petted, nursed, carried for, and bragged on. If you make your husband feel good when he comes home from work then you will see him continue to come home from work. Your greatest marriage insurance is to brag on your husband, compliment him.

As far as still looking good to him, sure, brush your hair, put on perfume, wear something fresh but most of all greet him with a smile – make him feel good to be home.

Secondly, does my husband still love me? Well, most likely so but men don’t communicate like women or as often as women. Squeezing an “I love you,” from his lips may be more difficult than most women realize but it doesn’t change his thoughts towards you. Men communicate love with gifts, time, protection, a service (mow, take out the trash, etc), or wrestling with the kids. I agree, men need to practice saying, I love you, to their wife and showing it but don’t be startled if he hasn’t said, “I love you” in a while but today could be different. (Men, if you have waded through this blog this far then you need this, tell your wife today, “I love you”). Ladies, give him a reason to say, “I love you.”

Thirdly, is my husband listening to me? “No!” I mean, “Yes!” Well, sometimes. Would you mind repeating the question? Men are compartmentalized. It is an understatement to say that men are preoccupied. They carry their work in their head; they bury their nose in a newspaper or stare at a computer screen for hours and hardly come up for air. This is his way to escape but check his pulse occasionally.

Let me give you some ideas:

Don’t try to lay heavy decisions upon him when he first comes home from work – bluntly, he isn’t listening.

Don’t try to have an important conversation with him right before dinner – he isn’t listening.

Don’t interrupt his game, his reading or his sleep – he isn’t listening.

Instead, wait till he has been home about an hour, after supper and after his planned escape (rest time), then sit next to him and say, “You always seem to have such good advice; I need some input, would you help me?” The damsel in distress! Yes, he is listening. By giving a compliment, asking for an answer and asking for help, you have just tapped into the male brain to come to the rescue.

When you need to ask a question in a hurry, make sure you are looking at him and he is looking at you. Men need to see you to hear you – most of the time. (Men, again, if you have waded this far you are in way over your head, but the next time your wife needs to talk to you about something, look her in the eyes and give her the honor of having your complete attention. In other words, turn your phone on silent and put it in your pocket).

Well, I just thought of a few more questions… maybe, next time.

Three Questions Every Man is Asking

Every man is asking three questions in life. To solve anyone of these questions is a major accomplishment and would fuel his self worth and personal achievements. When women know these questions and help “their man” find the answers; she will benefit. Men who are confident are men who know how to love. Relationships for a man are difficult unless he has a sense of direction and an internal felling of value.

If men are asking questions then what are the questions and where are the answers?

1.        How can be family be financially secure?

2.        How can I be a good father?

3.        How can I make my wife happy?

First men must understand who they are before they ask the questions, “What can I do.”

Men strive for success instead of value. Even small successes add to a man’s ego but if a man would increase his value then he will be successful. Value is expressed through fatherhood, loyalty to his wife and completion of a “job well done.”  Every man possesses extreme influence and offers amazing value to his family but many men feel worthless, powerless and some even feel dumb. Society hasn’t helped – it has endeavored to neutralize our men, men who have lost conviction, strength and even, their faith. But value is created by presence; taking time with a teenage son or daughter, dating his wife or celebrating an accomplishment of his children. Cell phone fasting while listening to the story of a son or daughter multiplies value to the time spent with them.

Men listen to “the lie.” “As a boy I …”, he begins and minutes later ends with a story of loss, degradation or misuse. The pounding words of personality subtraction weigh upon his mind until he no longer proudly proclaims, “I am a man.” Simply confessing “the lie,” letting go of “the lie,” and substituting real truth for “the lie,” will set a man free to enjoy his manliness. To be haunted with a lie instead

Men try to control instead of lead. Men have confessed,”They aren’t listening to me, so I just quit talking.” Instead of leading – he was demanding. Respect isn’t demanded – it is earned. Showing the way instead of pushing into the “right way” is a major tool in moving a son or daughter in the right direction. When a loving father shows a loving example in a loving disposition then he will reap loving children. I must admit I was not perfect as a father watching two children grow up into amazing adults but God is merciful, often, I would cry, “Lord, help me be the Father I need to be.” There is positional power where a man makes demands but at home there is personal power developing into loving and long lasting relationships.

Men look for acceptance in the wrong places. Pornography, an evening working relationship with the opposite sex and long embraces put a man in a whirlwind of disaster but the bottom answer is acceptance. Sex is not the drive – acceptance is. “I felt I had finally accomplished something,” is the sad confession of a fallen man. Marriage is the armour of God – my wife puts it on me every day. My accountability partner is my wife; she assists in keeping me in the boundaries. One of the greatest gifts a wife can give her husband is to accept him in his faults and failures. Praying together creates a strong bond of commitment and acceptance.

Comment: What would you add to this article to bring men up to their value?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author

Change Your Marriage this Week!

I want a better marriage! The stone faced couple sat in front of me with tear filled eyes. They were hurt and wounded but lacked the wisdom to turn their marriage around. "Do you have a checkbook?" After they answered, taking the checkbook I explained, taking withdrawals without deposits would soon cost them more, with bank charges, then they originally had. Do you wish to have the marriage you had when you first married? They both answered an emphatic , "Yes!"
The reason for our "first love" immensity is the amount of deposits we put into the love scenario. The more you put into the marriage - the more you are able to withdrawal. Both had been taking out of the marriage without any deposits into the marriage.
Maybe you find yourself in this same predicament. You see the both of you taking out of the marriage but not putting anything back. Here are a few deposits you must put into the marriage "checking account" today.
Compliment Giving your spouse a genuine and sincere complement is like filling up the gas tank - you cn go a long ways on one compliment. Giving a heartfelt, "Wow! that was a great dinner." "Wow! you sure look great today." "Wow! you are the best ever." The "wow!" compliments can change a marriage from bad to good or from good to great in a matter of days but don't give and expect a "wow!" back. Simply give the compliment without an expected return of a compliment.
Care Giving a few simply "love pats" throughout the day lets your spouse know you acknowledge their presence. These touches should accumulate approximately seven a day to sufficiently express your thoughts and actions towards your spouse. "Love pats" can be a soft shoulder rub, a hug, a kiss on the check, holding their hand or a pat on the shoulder or back. Theses are nonsexual and not to be considered as an advance but simply a "love pat" of acknowledgement and love.
Considerate Ask honest and open-ended questions about their day, or how they feel or what's on their mind and get ready to listen. Listening is the lost art of love in many marriages. Focus your eyes, attention and heart on the one speaking. Show concern and be considerate. Husbands, you are not fixing the problem (my greatest fault) but you are simply listening and being considerate of their "bad day" experiences. You are feeling for them not fixing them.
Combine Work together. Worship together. Have fun together. Work in the yard together. Clean house together. Wash dishes together. Go on a walk together. Date, of course, together. Go to a coffee shop together. Go on a drive through the country together. Plan your vacation together. You get the picture - combine your efforts into one goal.
Call Whether you are on a business trip or working in your office - send your spouse a text message or call just to say, "I love you." Write a note and leave it for him/her when they open their lunch sack. Throughout the day let your spouse know you are thinking of them.
Complete God is the glue of the marriage and prayer is the application of the glue. To complete a marriage you must pray together. I pray, "Help me, Lord, to be the kind of husband you would be proud of." My wife prays, "Help me, Lord, be the kind of wife you would be proud of." We ask each other to forgive us for words, thoughts or actions that are creating friction rather than a loving environment. we pray together, "Lord, bless our marriage as an inspiration to others."
Comment: What are some deposits you make in your marriage that would be helpful to others?
Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author.

Ten Commandments for Husbands

Respect and honor your wife

Keep your heart and mind pure for her

Tell her often you love her

Don’t forget important dates (birthdays, anniversaries)

Admire her strengths and life her up in her weaknesses

Date her often

Visit her family

Spend prime time together

Compliment her

Pray “God make me a better husband everyday.”

Comment below: Can you add another?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

I love love

This is a guest post by Josh Hood. A great young speaker and blogger. You can catch up with him at joshuamhood.com and twitter.com/JoshuaMHood

I love love.

I love how it compels young couples to hold hands. It’s like love makes their hands magnetic.

I love how it fills their stomachs with butterflies and their eyes with stars.

I love love.

I love how it covers a multitude of faults (1 Peter 4:8). I love how it has the power to melt the hardest heart and soften the bitterest soul.

Like the pounding surf washes away words written in the sand on the beach, the waves of love can wash away the offenses and disagreements etched in the sandy soil of our hearts.

I love love.

I love the loyalty and commitment love gives birth to. It compels an old man to stay by the bedside of his dying wife in the hospital. It compels a young mother to sit up all night with her sick child.

A thousand miles seems a long way to drive… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing. A thousand hours seems a long time to work… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing. A thousand dollars seems a lot to give… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing.

I love love.

Love has an impressive resume. A long list of relationships healed and great feats accomplished. But at the very top of the list is the greatest thing love ever did…

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Love sent a Savior.

I smile softly and let out a gentle sigh every time I read those words.

Yes, indeed. I love love.

Comment below: Do you have a story of unending love?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

Five Steps to a Happy Marriage

We aren't without our disagreements but with my wife and I having 34 years behind us we have picked up on a few tips along the way to make things a bit less stressful. No body will say marriage is easy but we can say we can make it easier by following basic procedures of communication and relationships.

1. Hot buttons. You know what ticks her off , the words that escalate into a scene. Don't compare, belittle or unjustly criticize by hitting the same hot button day after day. By avoiding the hot buttons we can eliminate 60% of the stress of marriage and 80% of the conflict. Find those hot buttons and stay away from them.

2. Forgive. The biggest word in marriage. Don't hold on to the past arguments. Accept the forgiveness Christ has given you and forgive others easily. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Honestly and sincerely forgive. Steve and Rachel (not their real names) were both cheating on each other but after a sincere and honest prayer of repentance they both forgave each other and moved on in their marriage - it has now been three years of reconciliation. It hasn't always been easy for them but they are making it work.

3. Invest. This is one of the biggest words in marriage. Invest in your marriage. Meet her for lunch during her work day. Take her on a date. Go on a weekend vacation. Go shopping together. Spend time together. Women equal time spent with her as a love gift. A wife who complements her husband will keep him for a long time.

4. Laugh. Having fun in a marriage is one of the best cures for the anxieties of life. The Bible says, A merry heart does good like a medicine. Live a little light-hearted and don't take you self too serious.

5. Pray. Praying together will melt differences and keep your heart soft. Pray often together and for each other.

MARRIAGE CHAMPIONS

In the surrounding arena are the lions of ferocious attacks against the marriages of America. Divorce claims the homes of one out of two marriages and abuse rises as flood waters after a torrential rain. It is time, maybe, past time, to leap into a fresh approach to shore up and strengthen our marriages. Not mere existence but life growth.

Life Church is sponsoring the Marriage Champions Seminar beginning February 5th and running for eight weeks. The seminar will include video clips, stories, illustrations, interaction, handouts and snacks. In collaboration with John Brown University, Northwest Arkansas Healthy Marriages and the Center for Relationship Development, Life Church will help marriages grow instead of stagnate, climb instead of fall and melt together instead of fall apart.

Go to www,nwamarriages.com for these free classes plus, enjoy the professional and confidential aspects of the class, plus, meet others pulling in the same direction, plus, snacks and fellowship afterwards plus, childcare is available.

Just what you need at the right time! Register today.

New Years Resolutions for Couples

Here are a few suggestions for couples who intend to invest in their marriage in 2009. Don't forget when you invest you are able to make withdrawals. The more you invest in your marriage the more flexible and forgivable the marriage becomes.

Resolution #1: Pray Together. The old adage is still true, the family that prays together, stays together. The Bible tells us that prayers are hindered when couples don't get along, so it bears in mind that a couples prayers are NOT hindered when they get along. Prayer time is a good time to talk, share, testify, encourage and humble ourselves before God and our mate.

Resolution #2: Play Together. Some couples have forgotten how to have fun. Pop some popcorn, pour two glasses of Coke, turn out the light and watch a black and white classic. Or, plan a day off. Or, plan a spring or summer vacation. Go on a date or take a day trip.

Resolution #3: Plan Together: Enjoy the benefit of planning to build a back porch, redo the landscaping, paint the living room or update the kitchen. Clean out the garage or set out a 2009 budget. Planning takes resilience, dedication and fortitude. Planning together puts the glue back in a marriage.

Resolution #4: Purpose Together: Find out what your "couple purpose" is. Decide on a mission to support, an orphanage to check out, a food bank to give to or a friend to encourage. These times spent together for others are enormous in adding value to your marriage.

Resolution #5: Practice Together: Take on a hike, a jog, tennis, exercise, diet or fast together. Also, practice applauding each other. Praise each other fervently and frequently. Applaud each attempt in pleasing you, whether it is a scrumptious dinner, a well planned evening, a new outfit, or other meaningful "love gift."