Investing Into Your Marriage

People sometimes marry for all the wrong reasons. When a couple marries, it develops into a frenzy of emotion – sadly, for some; it only lasts for a few years before love fades, collapsing into separation and misunderstanding.

Love must be, should be, something more than physical. Regardless how the movies portray marriage – love develops over time. Two people grow in love with each other until more is invested in the marriage than one is willing to withdraw from.

Investing into your marriage becomes the diamond of beauty

Investing in the love, the husband and wife share, is called commitment. It isn’t give and take – it is give and give. Investment usually involves putting someone of value into something we trust. Marriage defined is putting something we value into the one we trust.

For many – to be able to trust the one you love with your soul, your thoughts, your life, your being, your secrets and your dreams is the peak of love. Moving from emotion to trust is a major step in marriage. After the struggle to survive often a couple will find a deeper love and a deeper trust in one another.

Making deposits into your checkbook guarantees’ you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Making deposits into your marriage guarantees you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Life has a way of making one withdrawal after the other – depleting the account. We must add deposits intentionally and on a regular basis.

 

The more you put into your marriage the more you are able to take out of your marriage

 

Simply investing more into your marriage than you are taking out isn’t just good business sense but it is simply good sense. Let’s look at some common sense ways we can’t invest into our marriage:

Expressions Of Love Holding her hand as you walk together, rubbing her shoulders, or a gentle hug when she comes in from work is adding value in your marriage. It is said a wife needs seven nonsexual touches a day for emotional well being. Don’t be like one guy who patted his wife on the back seven times and felt he had accomplished his expression of love.

Spend Prime Time Together Taking a walk together, grabbing a cup of coffee, taking her lunch to her at work, watching a movie together after the kids have gone to bed, can be prime time events investing into your love relationship.

Write a Note Slipping a note into her lunch bag, having a note posted to the bathroom mirror or having a card waiting for her on the dinner table can fill the emotional love tank up to full. Write meaningful, heartfelt words that you noted her beauty, her strength, her character or her recent decisions.

Pray Together Discover each other's needs. Pray for each other and confess your own weaknesses. Praying together over your marriage, over your home and over your children will multiply your deposits.

You might think of something that creates a better atmosphere of love in your home but whatever you do you must do regularly, continually making deposits into your marriage.

Comment: What would you add to this list of deposits?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Miracle in Your Marriage

Can we expect a miracle in our marriage; when frustrations, failures and fears have a tendency to creep up in what we thought was a near perfect romance? When love spirals down and tensions spews up in tirades of anger? Can I expect the best when all I am seeing is the worse?

I think it is interesting to note the first miracle Jesus performed was at a wedding. I think it is not a coincidence but determined to prove a point.

First, to declare Jesus is as welcome in the casual atmosphere of life as He is in the stately worship of a Sunday service. We find Jesus in a stable, at the seashore with fishermen, at dinner with a tax collector, walking through a vineyard, sitting on a mountainside and visiting in people’s homes. Jesus feels at home in our home if you simply welcome Him into your home.

Secondly, Jesus was at the wedding to exhibit His miracle working power. Jesus worked a miracle at a wedding and He is still working miracles in marriages today. If Jesus can turn water into wine at a wedding then He can turn friction into love, anger into respect and separation into togetherness. Marriage is a trinity including husband, wife and Jesus; without Jesus, your marriage is incomplete. But miracles still happen in marriages. A couple who had been separated by bitter and hateful words is making a go of it again. A couple’s heated argument was changed into trust and honor. Yes, Jesus can still work a miracle in your marriage. Sound like a fairy tale? Here are some practical steps to marriage miracles:

Be thankful True gratitude can open the hardest of hearts. Instead of trying to change each other be thankful for those virtues that brought you together in the first place. Your “first love” was based on attraction – dig those up from your hidden memory and be outspoken in your gratitude for each of these. Express your thanks be writing a note, a phone call in the middle of a busy afternoon, or at dinner time.

Be prayerful Prayer is the key to every marriage. Pray for your wife/husband for extra strength and love. Pray for yourself that you would become the kind of husband/wife God would be pleased with. Prayer will soften your heart and your spouse.

Be kind Kindness can get more do through one single act than a million complaints. No greater attribute in marriage can get more done. It may take time but its results are astounding. Don’t give to get and don’t expect kindness in return, just make it your common virtue.

Be respectful Men marry for respect, honor and regard – to compliment a man is like adding a deposit to your savings account, it will build with interest. Women marry for love and to support her with a sense of security and one to one attention will build a lifelong marriage.

Be real Dishonesty breaks the strongest marriage. Real relationships are built on trust – once broken, it make takes months or years to repair. Cover ups and hidden deceit break the back bone of love. Be honest, transparent and humble and watch miracles happen in your marriage.   

Three Questions Every Married Women is Asking

Married women are asking questions and nobody dare to answer them and there are three major reasons why. The first is no one really knows what the questions are. Secondly, most are afraid to answer the questions, and thirdly, most married women who ask questions aren't really looking for answers.

But if we did know what the questions are and if we can assume they really want answers and we dare to walk where angels fear to tread, then read on, at your own risk, because women can answer a question without really giving an answer but be careful, be very careful, to the man who endeavors to answer the question, (see point three above).

The three questions most married women are asking:

1.       Does my husband think I still look good?

2.       Does my husband still love me?

3.       Is my husband listening to me?

Now, I know I will get emails and other comments saying that is NOT the question they are asking and I must admit, there are many more questions married women are asking but remember I am a male, I am writing this from a husband prospective. When women ask questions these are the three questions most husbands are hearing.

First, does my husband think I still look good? Your husband may or may not have married you for your looks. If you actually wowed him during courtship then you may have some reasons to worry when you reach 75 but when you are 75 there are many more ways to keep him around for a few more years. But most husbands marry because he enjoyed being around you, (assuming of course, that women are actually reading this blog). He married you for fun, laughs, good times; he felt completed with you and would not be completed without you.

Let me explain, women think men marry for sex but actually most men marry for strokes. They actually like to be petted, nursed, carried for, and bragged on. If you make your husband feel good when he comes home from work then you will see him continue to come home from work. Your greatest marriage insurance is to brag on your husband, compliment him.

As far as still looking good to him, sure, brush your hair, put on perfume, wear something fresh but most of all greet him with a smile – make him feel good to be home.

Secondly, does my husband still love me? Well, most likely so but men don’t communicate like women or as often as women. Squeezing an “I love you,” from his lips may be more difficult than most women realize but it doesn’t change his thoughts towards you. Men communicate love with gifts, time, protection, a service (mow, take out the trash, etc), or wrestling with the kids. I agree, men need to practice saying, I love you, to their wife and showing it but don’t be startled if he hasn’t said, “I love you” in a while but today could be different. (Men, if you have waded through this blog this far then you need this, tell your wife today, “I love you”). Ladies, give him a reason to say, “I love you.”

Thirdly, is my husband listening to me? “No!” I mean, “Yes!” Well, sometimes. Would you mind repeating the question? Men are compartmentalized. It is an understatement to say that men are preoccupied. They carry their work in their head; they bury their nose in a newspaper or stare at a computer screen for hours and hardly come up for air. This is his way to escape but check his pulse occasionally.

Let me give you some ideas:

Don’t try to lay heavy decisions upon him when he first comes home from work – bluntly, he isn’t listening.

Don’t try to have an important conversation with him right before dinner – he isn’t listening.

Don’t interrupt his game, his reading or his sleep – he isn’t listening.

Instead, wait till he has been home about an hour, after supper and after his planned escape (rest time), then sit next to him and say, “You always seem to have such good advice; I need some input, would you help me?” The damsel in distress! Yes, he is listening. By giving a compliment, asking for an answer and asking for help, you have just tapped into the male brain to come to the rescue.

When you need to ask a question in a hurry, make sure you are looking at him and he is looking at you. Men need to see you to hear you – most of the time. (Men, again, if you have waded this far you are in way over your head, but the next time your wife needs to talk to you about something, look her in the eyes and give her the honor of having your complete attention. In other words, turn your phone on silent and put it in your pocket).

Well, I just thought of a few more questions… maybe, next time.

Four Things I Pray for my Children

When it comes to praying for my children and grandchildren I have expressed no greater passion. It comes natural for a grandparent to pray for their grandchildren and a parent to pray for their children but I have felt that I needed to be more defined in my requests. More than “Bless them, Lord.” I needed to pray a definite and detailed request for God to actually move into their home and personal life and be the third person of their marriage and the unseen guest at every meal. I wanted to pray, believe and record the results but “Bless them, Lord” didn’t cover all the bases.

Here are the four things I pray for my children and grandchildren.

Protection They must be kept from the invisible influences of evil that can pull at their tender hearts and minds - they must be protected. Swaying compromises and unbalanced convictions can turn their life in another direction – they must be protected. Crime, accidents, disease and trouble must be kept away – they must be protected. Wrong friends, temptations and a fading spiritual life can ruin them – they must be protected. I pray for their protection.

Preservation Life has a way of dragging you down, dragging you around and dragging you away – I pray for their preservation. Stability, closeness, and family ties are important - I pray for their preservation. Marriage, love and togetherness are valuable - I pray for their preservation. Faithfulness, committment and bonding are needed – I pray for their preservation.

Provision I don’t pray for riches but I do pray for their needs to be met. I don’t pray for wealth but I do pray they will live debt free.I don’t pray they will build bigger barns but I do pray they will be abundantly blessed. Every need to be supplied, every care to be placed in the hands of God, and every day to be filled with thanksgiving for His faithfulness.

Presence When praying for my children and grandchildren I pray most passionately about the manifest presence of God in their home and daily life. I firmly believe when God is present not much else can survive. I pray for the living room, bedrooms and kitchen is filled with the presence of God. Their heart, mind and soul is filled with the presence of God. Their home, church and school is filled with he presence of God. I pray for the presence of God to be living, active and working in their daily life.
Prayer is essential and not a routine , especially when it comes to praying for our children and grandchildren, let us pray.

Comment Below:What do you pray for your children?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author.

Ten Commandments for Husbands

Respect and honor your wife

Keep your heart and mind pure for her

Tell her often you love her

Don’t forget important dates (birthdays, anniversaries)

Admire her strengths and life her up in her weaknesses

Date her often

Visit her family

Spend prime time together

Compliment her

Pray “God make me a better husband everyday.”

Comment below: Can you add another?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

I love love

This is a guest post by Josh Hood. A great young speaker and blogger. You can catch up with him at joshuamhood.com and twitter.com/JoshuaMHood

I love love.

I love how it compels young couples to hold hands. It’s like love makes their hands magnetic.

I love how it fills their stomachs with butterflies and their eyes with stars.

I love love.

I love how it covers a multitude of faults (1 Peter 4:8). I love how it has the power to melt the hardest heart and soften the bitterest soul.

Like the pounding surf washes away words written in the sand on the beach, the waves of love can wash away the offenses and disagreements etched in the sandy soil of our hearts.

I love love.

I love the loyalty and commitment love gives birth to. It compels an old man to stay by the bedside of his dying wife in the hospital. It compels a young mother to sit up all night with her sick child.

A thousand miles seems a long way to drive… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing. A thousand hours seems a long time to work… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing. A thousand dollars seems a lot to give… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing.

I love love.

Love has an impressive resume. A long list of relationships healed and great feats accomplished. But at the very top of the list is the greatest thing love ever did…

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Love sent a Savior.

I smile softly and let out a gentle sigh every time I read those words.

Yes, indeed. I love love.

Comment below: Do you have a story of unending love?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

Confessions of a Father

The day after Father’s Day and back to work but not without some important changes. Several fathers admit there are some things they would like to change. They want to change their family future.

Most father’s admit they aren’t for sure what is expected of them and what they must do to accomplish being a “good” father. They support their family with a good work ethic, provide for the needs of the family and go to church but father’s are asking, “is something missing?”

Let’s look at what children really need from their father if we are to find adequate answers. It is true families need to be provided for but new shoes will never take the place of a father pitching the ball to his son madly swinging a bat in all the wrong directions.

Of all the requests that come from families for dad to do this or that – the most requested item is – “we just want Dad to be with us.”

“Dad time” is the most important item we can give to a child. Let’s look at some prime “dad time” ideas:

Being one to one with your child The highlight of a child’s week is when he is picked to go with dad. We must be fair to balance it out when there are more children but this “gift” of time with a child being one on one with Dad is one of the most important aspects of a child’s life.

Praying with your child Praying together makes our heart soft and grants a connection with a child, only God can give. When my children we young there were times I asked my son or daughter to forgive me for being angry, only to hear those innocence words come back, “I forgive you Dad.” Precious time is invested in a child when you are on your knees.

Love their mother Your children will find no greater security than when a Dad shows affection to their momma. A dad who expresses honor and affection to their children’s mother is a wise man.

Comment below: Do you have a “DAD TIME” moment you would like to share?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

Six Ways to Settle an Argument

You are not responsible for their actions but you are responsible for your reactions. A tense disagreement can ruin a relationship. Stress drives anger to the boiling point. We can learn to disagree agreeable and take the steering wheel in our hands. Let's look at Six Ways to Settle an Argument:

Lower your voice. A loud voice doesn't exert authority but only exemplifies your loss of control. "A soft answer turns away wrath," the psalmist David advises. You don't win by getting louder - you only escalate the problem.

Understand different interpretations. Even Matthew, Mark, Luke and John told the story of Christ through a different lens. Your personality, upbringing, environment, childhood and education will make a difference on how you view ideas around you. Allow for different interpretations. Your opinion is just that - an opinion. Don't put people in a box, your box.

Be ready to forgive. I'm sorry but... isn't really an apology. Saying your sorry has become such cheap words when said many times without change. It is better to say, "Would you forgive me? I will do my best to do better and to change."

Find common ground. Instead of magnifying the areas you don't agree on find the areas you do agree on. Find a common place to begin with.

Don't go to bed mad. You subconscious dwells on your most emotional downturn of the day, causing you to build a wall, one brick at a time. Unresolved conflict is still a conflict. Take care of the matter before it gets bigger.

Pray about it. Pray for you and pray for them. Pray for them to change after you pray for you to change. Remember Jesus forgave you. If the conflict still burns like fire in your bosom then most likely you have not forgiven yet.

Comment Below: Do you have a story of forgiveness?

Copyright By Jim Laudell. Permission must be obtained from the author to reporduce or copy.

Rating Children's Movies

In the reinvention stage several black and white classical themes and characters are being recreated into culturally relevant pseudo movies. These cartoon character movies are aimed at children, ages 7 to 14, but characterize demonic, anti-God and sexual innuendoes aimed at diverting, de-sensitizing and perverting.
According to a Christian publication, in one children’s movie, rated PG, there was 1 sexual verbiage, 5 profanities, and twice disrespected God with a laugh and a sneer. Focus on the Family reports a recent pirate cartoon includes 5 curse words, including taking the name of the Lord God in vain plus, several sexual allusions, including a nudist boat, (though all is covered by camera angle) and an island where the women are covered only by their long hair and flowers.
Without being thought a prude, old-fashioned, negative or “holy Joe” let me contend for the children. While it is most impossible to cover the “little ones” eyes every time they go into the grocery store it is most possible to shield our children from the entertainment that introduces crude language, amoral sexual behavior and other “innocent(?)” attacks on moral standards of the Christian family.
This is no longer the clean humor of Porky Pig, Mickey Mouse or Clifford the Dog. Cartoon or otherwise, PG rating or not, we must guard the hearts of children and maintain their innocence as long as possible. And in the popular Facebook language, “Just sayin….”

How to Win the Heart of Your Wife

Winning the heart of your wife isn’t as difficult as men may think it to be, not that woman are easy but the steps to winning her heart are not that difficult. Sometimes it simply means we must change our routine. You might add, “I am not good at this,” but you won her heart when you were dating so what is different now? You can do this but you must be willing to put your heart into it also. Merely accomplishing four steps and thinking you have done your duty then questioning why she is not responding is usually because you didn’t have your heart into it. Your heart creates the heat otherwise, it is simply a task to fulfill.

Tell her at least twice a day you love her. Looking into her eyes, say, “I love you” with passion. This is not to be construed with putting a move on your wife. She simply wants to hear you say, I Love You,” without any strings attached.

Surprise her. Don’t go out and spend a lot of money – this can have the reverse effect. Maybe a candy bar that she loves, a special Starbucks drink, or possibly wash the dishes for her and let her sit down and relax.

Compliment her This goes a long way. Heartfelt compliments can do immeasurable good in a marriage. Telling her you like the way she did her hair. Saying you like what she is wearing and honestly, “It looks like you are losing weight.”

Date her Do the things you did when dating as a young couple. recreate events that took place.Or, go to her favorite restaurant or go to an event together, maybe shopping.

How to Win the Heart of Your Husband

Of the questions asked, this one gets asked the most, How do I win over the heart of my husband? I feel like I am losing him. We don’t talk much anymore. Or, he seems so distant.

First, of all, understand a man’s communication code. Once he is focused on a subject or object it is hard for him to pull himself away. Men love their caves. Their withdrawal into silence isn’t meant to offend or resist any intervention but is simply a man’s way of dealing with the circumstances or stresses around him. He may pull into the silent zone for a few days if making an important decision. Don’t fear when he goes into his cave – he is thinking.

Now I know what you are saying, “I want him to tell me what he is thinking.” Of course, but he doesn’t know what he is thinking yet. He is still processing his thoughts and once he digests it then he will be ready to talk.

Here are a few ways to bring your husband around to a heartfelt discussion and win his heart in the process.

I trust you – No greater words can be spoken to a man than these three words. You must trust him to make the right decision even when you think he should ask for your opinion. Once he is done processing and he begins to talk say something like, “I trust you to do the right thing – have you thought about …..” Don’t use the word “but” or “Well, I tell you what I think,” or “You never want my opinion.” This is crossing out the line, “I trust you.” Lead him around to your opinion by kissing him and saying softly, “I trust you and when you are ready to talk about it, I will be ready to listen.” Powerful words and oftentimes, he will be ready to listen to your advice or opinion.

I need you – This places the ultimate responsibility on the man. Remember the cartoon where the damsel was tied to the railroad track by the bad guy and the good guy would come and rescue her at the last-minute? Your man wants to feel you need him to rescue you. The damsel in distress arouses his manly feelings for heroism. Not whimpering, whining or crying woman because men freeze up with these tactics – they honestly don’t know how to respond. Men marry for strokes not sex, this will keep him attahced to the wife who encourages him and makes him feel important.

I love you - A well placed, “I love you.” As the Bible says, “Apples of gold in pictures of silver.” Abigail brought the right gift and the right words to King David and he later chose her to be his wife after her husband passed away. Not just saying, “I love you” but expressing it throughout the day, bringing him a glass of water, fixing his favorite dessert or simply being there beside him.

I believe you -  Your husband is not a liar but men have a difficult time talking in “woman” language. Therefore, interpretations and descriptions get jumbled up into a mirage of words difficult to understand by the opposite sex. “You said what?” won’t be as effective as “I believe in you.” One man said, “Fighting for your marriage is more important than winning the fight.” Remember, winning him over is the key to a long-lasting love and good communication but it starts with believing in him.

Five Steps to a Happy Marriage

We aren't without our disagreements but with my wife and I having 34 years behind us we have picked up on a few tips along the way to make things a bit less stressful. No body will say marriage is easy but we can say we can make it easier by following basic procedures of communication and relationships.

1. Hot buttons. You know what ticks her off , the words that escalate into a scene. Don't compare, belittle or unjustly criticize by hitting the same hot button day after day. By avoiding the hot buttons we can eliminate 60% of the stress of marriage and 80% of the conflict. Find those hot buttons and stay away from them.

2. Forgive. The biggest word in marriage. Don't hold on to the past arguments. Accept the forgiveness Christ has given you and forgive others easily. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Honestly and sincerely forgive. Steve and Rachel (not their real names) were both cheating on each other but after a sincere and honest prayer of repentance they both forgave each other and moved on in their marriage - it has now been three years of reconciliation. It hasn't always been easy for them but they are making it work.

3. Invest. This is one of the biggest words in marriage. Invest in your marriage. Meet her for lunch during her work day. Take her on a date. Go on a weekend vacation. Go shopping together. Spend time together. Women equal time spent with her as a love gift. A wife who complements her husband will keep him for a long time.

4. Laugh. Having fun in a marriage is one of the best cures for the anxieties of life. The Bible says, A merry heart does good like a medicine. Live a little light-hearted and don't take you self too serious.

5. Pray. Praying together will melt differences and keep your heart soft. Pray often together and for each other.

Love and War Devotional for Married Couples

Love and War pulls the covers off the fairy tale marriage and reveals, "marriage is hard." John and Stasi Eldredge are no strangers to the "relationship field," they are best selling authors of "Wild At Heart" and "Captivatin".

This eight week adventure unfolds "real marriage," in a devotional laid out into short daily arrows of truth. "Remembering What We Wanted" begins the quest leading to "Your Spouse is Not Your Enemy" and "The Little Foxes."

Explore your marriage with 134 pages of heart searching and heart mending as "the battle for hearts continues".

"I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review"

Changing a Flat Tire

A couple I know has a habit of running on bare tires, I even gave them some money to buy a new tire once. In fact, if a tire loses air - they will go air it up a dozen times before they ever decide to repair or patch the tire. I can't tell you the times they have had a flat tire, only to moan and complain about how terrible life is, air it back up and keep going till the next calamity.

Another couple I know does their marriage the same way. They run on bare threads. No time for each other, stressed out over life and events, and saying, "I'm sorry," but never reparing the relationship. Like airing a tire with a slow leak - sometimes they are up and sometimes they are down.

Without addressing the propblem and merely finding temporary solutions will result in a "blow out," that will endanger the couple and their children.

But "I can't afford a new tire", or "I don't have time", or "that's my husband's job," or, "It's her fault not mind," prevail in the marriage. Finally the blow up comes and all the excuses lose their impact.

Bob and Joan (ficticious names but a real couple) actually made these excuses, never having time or mnoney or "whatever" to fix or replace the "bare tire" in their marriage, and the "blow ups" are more frequent. Scary. Now she is talking divorce.

By the way, the first couple went out and bought a new tire and threw the old one away. I am happy they are safe.

Growing Closer in Tough Economic Times

Bob is a smart business man with a glowing personality and a profound love for his wife but the Monday after thanksgiving he was laid off his job and her income alone was not enough to live on. The stress began to build -especially when she was rushed to the doctor's office for stitches in her hand. The medical bills were enormous and invaded their Christmas savings account.

Just when you thought you couldn't take another hit then the baby gets sick and the hospital bills begin to come in - right before Christmas. You may have a few dollars saved for gifts only to have the transmission go out on your van. Or, worse yet, laid off your job.

These tough economic times can bring stress to the best marriages and often bring untold heartache and dive into depression. It is difficult for married couples to work out the kinks when driving blindfolded. Marriage is sailing through uncharted waters of economic instability.

Here are a few keys to unlock the door of stress:

1. Bite the bullet. That was a cheap shot but truly look at your daily outgo, write it down and eliminate any luxury bills.
2. Have fun. There are plenty of free or inexpensive things to do. Go to the Christmas parade, eat popcorn and roll on the floor with the kids are still fun and free family past times.
3. Take a walk. It wards off stress, helps you stay healthy and provides time for you and your bride to communicate.
4. Call a friend. For most cell phone users weekends are free calls. Call a relative, friend, or classmate you haven't talked to in a long time.
5. Go to Christmas activities. Christmas parties, family get-togethers and church Christmas plays are numerous this time of year.
6. Watch a black and white DVD together. "It's a Wonderful Life," is a great Christmas time DVD and fits our economic times.
7. Work in a soup kitchen. Nothing warms the heart like helping someone less fortunate than you.
8. Bake some goodies. trying a new recipe and giving it as a gift to a neighbor or friend is a delight.
9. Have coffee with an old friend.
10. Study the Bible. The colder climate is an ideal time to grab a book, read the Bible and research a new topic.
11. Say I Love You. Tell your wife/husband you really love them, by the fireplace, alone...get it?
12. Write in your journal. Writing is a keepsake and a stress reliever.
13. Organize a closet. Or, rearrange the furniture.
14. Reminisce through old family photos.
15. Pray. Prayer is the ideal stress reliever.

The Master of the Marriage

In marriage when moving from one opinion to another, compromise is essential but someone must make the final decision. When mind meets matter and the post meets the pre then someone must have somewhere to go to. When arguments escalates and plans dissolve and children disobey and finances disappear there must be an anchor.

May I introduce you to the Master of the Marriage, Jesus Christ. God says, "I hate divorce" so in turn He must "love marriage." Togetherness, relationships and love all find themselves in the heart of God. Forgiveness, passion and bonding all fit in His hand.

When insurmountable odds pull at you heart and unbelievable lies fill your mind and ugly feelings take over your life there is a Master of the Marriage. Draw close to Jesus, draw near to Him. He will heal the hurt, place love in the tragedy and hope in the destiny. He created marriage, he ordained marriage and He still works in your marriage.

Find your place with Him - the life giver.

The Marriage Seasons

Each time the seasons change you will hear something like, "Oh, I just love fall." Or, they may say, "Spring is my favorite time of year." Or, "I could live with summertime weather all the time." But no matter what season you love, and in whatever climate you live, (unless extreme south or extreme summer). You will notice there are changes brought into your life by the changing seasons. It is more than the fall leaves of autumn, the budding flowers of spring, the crisp air of winter or the humid days of an August summer. It is the activities of life that make the seasons enjoyable or repulsive.

Marriage has its seasons and the events, activities and attitudes of each season can make it repulsive or enjoyable. Take for instance, researches say there are four extreme changes in a couples marriage. The first one takes place usually around the third year of marriage, friction begins to develop and mount over the differences found in our individuality. When two begin to become one flesh - friction will develop. So naturally, the differences accumulate into "irreconcilable differences," but they are reconcilable if we will follow three definitive steps: 1. Realize that there are no perfect couples 2. Forgive easily, and 3. let your differences become compliments of style and creativity. People don't usually marry someone like them but moistly, marry someone who is weaker in definite areas where they are strong.

The second major season is during the 7th year. Children are in school, moms are bored, dads are overworked, stress is inevitable, and schedules become chaotic. Here are three tips to making this season a little more enjoyable. 1. Plan ahead and schedule well. 2. Plan time alone with just the two of you and go on occasional dates. 3. Don't let the children set the day - have them set the day around you and your husband's needs first.

The third major season is the fifteenth year. Boredom is the culprit. The children are in high school, mom and dad are tired most of the time, money may be tight and life is complicated. Mostly, this difficult time can be fixed by 1. Focusing on the marriage with exciting dates, time off, a night out with friends or family without the kids, and, 2. Having talk times set at the breakfast table or before you go to bed where you can communicate without interruption.

The last season is usually midlife around the 25th year of marriage. Physical life changes add to the mix of some emotional days but these are not marriage ending conflicts. Enjoy the good days, spend time together in relaxed moments, rev up your sex life and focus on the grandchildren are all quick ways to get the emotions settled down and the marriage back on track.

Now, let's put our best effort's forward and strive to have a great marriage in any season of life.

LISTENING: The Essential Love Language

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a classic with most couples and marriage mentors and has won the hearts of many people. Over the years of mentoring and counseling couples one particular love language has become paramount in our technological society. It is the desire to be heard, whether twitter, texting, email, cell phone, Facebook, Myspace or a host of other communication tools; the message is the same: someone listen to me.

Overworked, stressed, and under appreciated housewives have found an emotional outlet in technology and after the kids are down for their afternoon naps, exhausted moms are reaching out on the media connectors. The drastic search for "small talk," the desire for connection and the "inner want" to be cared for, cause the heart to wander and seemingly insignificant compromises are made until "man meets woman."

"Just a friend," "Someone to talk to," "Meaningful conversation," until connection turns to emotional and sometimes, physical attraction. Some are addicted to the "white knight" syndrome thinking that someone is waiting to sweep the harried mother, out of her present stress and doldrums, and into the relationship she has "always dreamed of."

What awaits however, is loss of family, health, emotional downfalls, and spiritual drainage. One such mother confessed, "I lost it - in fact, I lost it all." Another admitted, "He wanted sex, I wanted so much more." The Internet "white knight" is often a wolf in sheep's clothing. Lust for men is sex and lust for women is covetousness for something more - sometimes for something that doesn't exists.

Communication is the key to a successful marriage. We will present more effective communication tools in our next blog.

Recreation means Re-creating

Recreation has viewed by some means to waste time, kill time or be non productive but actually in a marriage the value of recreation has been underestimated. All work and no play makes John a very dull boy.

To create a renewed sense of love and commitment time should be peppered with occasional time off for "just the two of you."

Here are a few tips on "re-creating" you love and marriage.

1. Take a day trip to a park, town or relative you haven't seen in a while.
2. Go out for desert and coffee.
3. Go for a walk around the block, through a flower garden or park.
4. Sit on the back porch with lemonade and talk about dating when you first met.
5. Work out in the yard together with mowing, landscaping or an outdoor project.
6. Stroll through a shopping mall together.
7. Go to a few garage sales and catch breakfast on Saturday morning.
8. Go out for pizza with someone you haven't seen in a while.
9. Text her/him and meet for lunch somewhere.
10. Take a drive into a neighborhood of homes for sale or into the country.

Plus, there are a dozen other things to do as the weather breaks and nice sunny days are waiting for you to enjoy.

These are the little things of life that add up to a great marriage.

New Years Resolutions for Couples

Here are a few suggestions for couples who intend to invest in their marriage in 2009. Don't forget when you invest you are able to make withdrawals. The more you invest in your marriage the more flexible and forgivable the marriage becomes.

Resolution #1: Pray Together. The old adage is still true, the family that prays together, stays together. The Bible tells us that prayers are hindered when couples don't get along, so it bears in mind that a couples prayers are NOT hindered when they get along. Prayer time is a good time to talk, share, testify, encourage and humble ourselves before God and our mate.

Resolution #2: Play Together. Some couples have forgotten how to have fun. Pop some popcorn, pour two glasses of Coke, turn out the light and watch a black and white classic. Or, plan a day off. Or, plan a spring or summer vacation. Go on a date or take a day trip.

Resolution #3: Plan Together: Enjoy the benefit of planning to build a back porch, redo the landscaping, paint the living room or update the kitchen. Clean out the garage or set out a 2009 budget. Planning takes resilience, dedication and fortitude. Planning together puts the glue back in a marriage.

Resolution #4: Purpose Together: Find out what your "couple purpose" is. Decide on a mission to support, an orphanage to check out, a food bank to give to or a friend to encourage. These times spent together for others are enormous in adding value to your marriage.

Resolution #5: Practice Together: Take on a hike, a jog, tennis, exercise, diet or fast together. Also, practice applauding each other. Praise each other fervently and frequently. Applaud each attempt in pleasing you, whether it is a scrumptious dinner, a well planned evening, a new outfit, or other meaningful "love gift."