Investing Into Your Marriage

People sometimes marry for all the wrong reasons. When a couple marries, it develops into a frenzy of emotion – sadly, for some; it only lasts for a few years before love fades, collapsing into separation and misunderstanding.

Love must be, should be, something more than physical. Regardless how the movies portray marriage – love develops over time. Two people grow in love with each other until more is invested in the marriage than one is willing to withdraw from.

Investing into your marriage becomes the diamond of beauty

Investing in the love, the husband and wife share, is called commitment. It isn’t give and take – it is give and give. Investment usually involves putting someone of value into something we trust. Marriage defined is putting something we value into the one we trust.

For many – to be able to trust the one you love with your soul, your thoughts, your life, your being, your secrets and your dreams is the peak of love. Moving from emotion to trust is a major step in marriage. After the struggle to survive often a couple will find a deeper love and a deeper trust in one another.

Making deposits into your checkbook guarantees’ you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Making deposits into your marriage guarantees you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Life has a way of making one withdrawal after the other – depleting the account. We must add deposits intentionally and on a regular basis.

 

The more you put into your marriage the more you are able to take out of your marriage

 

Simply investing more into your marriage than you are taking out isn’t just good business sense but it is simply good sense. Let’s look at some common sense ways we can’t invest into our marriage:

Expressions Of Love Holding her hand as you walk together, rubbing her shoulders, or a gentle hug when she comes in from work is adding value in your marriage. It is said a wife needs seven nonsexual touches a day for emotional well being. Don’t be like one guy who patted his wife on the back seven times and felt he had accomplished his expression of love.

Spend Prime Time Together Taking a walk together, grabbing a cup of coffee, taking her lunch to her at work, watching a movie together after the kids have gone to bed, can be prime time events investing into your love relationship.

Write a Note Slipping a note into her lunch bag, having a note posted to the bathroom mirror or having a card waiting for her on the dinner table can fill the emotional love tank up to full. Write meaningful, heartfelt words that you noted her beauty, her strength, her character or her recent decisions.

Pray Together Discover each other's needs. Pray for each other and confess your own weaknesses. Praying together over your marriage, over your home and over your children will multiply your deposits.

You might think of something that creates a better atmosphere of love in your home but whatever you do you must do regularly, continually making deposits into your marriage.

Comment: What would you add to this list of deposits?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three Questions Every Married Women is Asking

Married women are asking questions and nobody dare to answer them and there are three major reasons why. The first is no one really knows what the questions are. Secondly, most are afraid to answer the questions, and thirdly, most married women who ask questions aren't really looking for answers.

But if we did know what the questions are and if we can assume they really want answers and we dare to walk where angels fear to tread, then read on, at your own risk, because women can answer a question without really giving an answer but be careful, be very careful, to the man who endeavors to answer the question, (see point three above).

The three questions most married women are asking:

1.       Does my husband think I still look good?

2.       Does my husband still love me?

3.       Is my husband listening to me?

Now, I know I will get emails and other comments saying that is NOT the question they are asking and I must admit, there are many more questions married women are asking but remember I am a male, I am writing this from a husband prospective. When women ask questions these are the three questions most husbands are hearing.

First, does my husband think I still look good? Your husband may or may not have married you for your looks. If you actually wowed him during courtship then you may have some reasons to worry when you reach 75 but when you are 75 there are many more ways to keep him around for a few more years. But most husbands marry because he enjoyed being around you, (assuming of course, that women are actually reading this blog). He married you for fun, laughs, good times; he felt completed with you and would not be completed without you.

Let me explain, women think men marry for sex but actually most men marry for strokes. They actually like to be petted, nursed, carried for, and bragged on. If you make your husband feel good when he comes home from work then you will see him continue to come home from work. Your greatest marriage insurance is to brag on your husband, compliment him.

As far as still looking good to him, sure, brush your hair, put on perfume, wear something fresh but most of all greet him with a smile – make him feel good to be home.

Secondly, does my husband still love me? Well, most likely so but men don’t communicate like women or as often as women. Squeezing an “I love you,” from his lips may be more difficult than most women realize but it doesn’t change his thoughts towards you. Men communicate love with gifts, time, protection, a service (mow, take out the trash, etc), or wrestling with the kids. I agree, men need to practice saying, I love you, to their wife and showing it but don’t be startled if he hasn’t said, “I love you” in a while but today could be different. (Men, if you have waded through this blog this far then you need this, tell your wife today, “I love you”). Ladies, give him a reason to say, “I love you.”

Thirdly, is my husband listening to me? “No!” I mean, “Yes!” Well, sometimes. Would you mind repeating the question? Men are compartmentalized. It is an understatement to say that men are preoccupied. They carry their work in their head; they bury their nose in a newspaper or stare at a computer screen for hours and hardly come up for air. This is his way to escape but check his pulse occasionally.

Let me give you some ideas:

Don’t try to lay heavy decisions upon him when he first comes home from work – bluntly, he isn’t listening.

Don’t try to have an important conversation with him right before dinner – he isn’t listening.

Don’t interrupt his game, his reading or his sleep – he isn’t listening.

Instead, wait till he has been home about an hour, after supper and after his planned escape (rest time), then sit next to him and say, “You always seem to have such good advice; I need some input, would you help me?” The damsel in distress! Yes, he is listening. By giving a compliment, asking for an answer and asking for help, you have just tapped into the male brain to come to the rescue.

When you need to ask a question in a hurry, make sure you are looking at him and he is looking at you. Men need to see you to hear you – most of the time. (Men, again, if you have waded this far you are in way over your head, but the next time your wife needs to talk to you about something, look her in the eyes and give her the honor of having your complete attention. In other words, turn your phone on silent and put it in your pocket).

Well, I just thought of a few more questions… maybe, next time.

Change Your Marriage this Week!

I want a better marriage! The stone faced couple sat in front of me with tear filled eyes. They were hurt and wounded but lacked the wisdom to turn their marriage around. "Do you have a checkbook?" After they answered, taking the checkbook I explained, taking withdrawals without deposits would soon cost them more, with bank charges, then they originally had. Do you wish to have the marriage you had when you first married? They both answered an emphatic , "Yes!"
The reason for our "first love" immensity is the amount of deposits we put into the love scenario. The more you put into the marriage - the more you are able to withdrawal. Both had been taking out of the marriage without any deposits into the marriage.
Maybe you find yourself in this same predicament. You see the both of you taking out of the marriage but not putting anything back. Here are a few deposits you must put into the marriage "checking account" today.
Compliment Giving your spouse a genuine and sincere complement is like filling up the gas tank - you cn go a long ways on one compliment. Giving a heartfelt, "Wow! that was a great dinner." "Wow! you sure look great today." "Wow! you are the best ever." The "wow!" compliments can change a marriage from bad to good or from good to great in a matter of days but don't give and expect a "wow!" back. Simply give the compliment without an expected return of a compliment.
Care Giving a few simply "love pats" throughout the day lets your spouse know you acknowledge their presence. These touches should accumulate approximately seven a day to sufficiently express your thoughts and actions towards your spouse. "Love pats" can be a soft shoulder rub, a hug, a kiss on the check, holding their hand or a pat on the shoulder or back. Theses are nonsexual and not to be considered as an advance but simply a "love pat" of acknowledgement and love.
Considerate Ask honest and open-ended questions about their day, or how they feel or what's on their mind and get ready to listen. Listening is the lost art of love in many marriages. Focus your eyes, attention and heart on the one speaking. Show concern and be considerate. Husbands, you are not fixing the problem (my greatest fault) but you are simply listening and being considerate of their "bad day" experiences. You are feeling for them not fixing them.
Combine Work together. Worship together. Have fun together. Work in the yard together. Clean house together. Wash dishes together. Go on a walk together. Date, of course, together. Go to a coffee shop together. Go on a drive through the country together. Plan your vacation together. You get the picture - combine your efforts into one goal.
Call Whether you are on a business trip or working in your office - send your spouse a text message or call just to say, "I love you." Write a note and leave it for him/her when they open their lunch sack. Throughout the day let your spouse know you are thinking of them.
Complete God is the glue of the marriage and prayer is the application of the glue. To complete a marriage you must pray together. I pray, "Help me, Lord, to be the kind of husband you would be proud of." My wife prays, "Help me, Lord, be the kind of wife you would be proud of." We ask each other to forgive us for words, thoughts or actions that are creating friction rather than a loving environment. we pray together, "Lord, bless our marriage as an inspiration to others."
Comment: What are some deposits you make in your marriage that would be helpful to others?
Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author.

I love love

This is a guest post by Josh Hood. A great young speaker and blogger. You can catch up with him at joshuamhood.com and twitter.com/JoshuaMHood

I love love.

I love how it compels young couples to hold hands. It’s like love makes their hands magnetic.

I love how it fills their stomachs with butterflies and their eyes with stars.

I love love.

I love how it covers a multitude of faults (1 Peter 4:8). I love how it has the power to melt the hardest heart and soften the bitterest soul.

Like the pounding surf washes away words written in the sand on the beach, the waves of love can wash away the offenses and disagreements etched in the sandy soil of our hearts.

I love love.

I love the loyalty and commitment love gives birth to. It compels an old man to stay by the bedside of his dying wife in the hospital. It compels a young mother to sit up all night with her sick child.

A thousand miles seems a long way to drive… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing. A thousand hours seems a long time to work… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing. A thousand dollars seems a lot to give… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing.

I love love.

Love has an impressive resume. A long list of relationships healed and great feats accomplished. But at the very top of the list is the greatest thing love ever did…

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Love sent a Savior.

I smile softly and let out a gentle sigh every time I read those words.

Yes, indeed. I love love.

Comment below: Do you have a story of unending love?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

How to Win the Heart of Your Wife

Winning the heart of your wife isn’t as difficult as men may think it to be, not that woman are easy but the steps to winning her heart are not that difficult. Sometimes it simply means we must change our routine. You might add, “I am not good at this,” but you won her heart when you were dating so what is different now? You can do this but you must be willing to put your heart into it also. Merely accomplishing four steps and thinking you have done your duty then questioning why she is not responding is usually because you didn’t have your heart into it. Your heart creates the heat otherwise, it is simply a task to fulfill.

Tell her at least twice a day you love her. Looking into her eyes, say, “I love you” with passion. This is not to be construed with putting a move on your wife. She simply wants to hear you say, I Love You,” without any strings attached.

Surprise her. Don’t go out and spend a lot of money – this can have the reverse effect. Maybe a candy bar that she loves, a special Starbucks drink, or possibly wash the dishes for her and let her sit down and relax.

Compliment her This goes a long way. Heartfelt compliments can do immeasurable good in a marriage. Telling her you like the way she did her hair. Saying you like what she is wearing and honestly, “It looks like you are losing weight.”

Date her Do the things you did when dating as a young couple. recreate events that took place.Or, go to her favorite restaurant or go to an event together, maybe shopping.

How to Win the Heart of Your Husband

Of the questions asked, this one gets asked the most, How do I win over the heart of my husband? I feel like I am losing him. We don’t talk much anymore. Or, he seems so distant.

First, of all, understand a man’s communication code. Once he is focused on a subject or object it is hard for him to pull himself away. Men love their caves. Their withdrawal into silence isn’t meant to offend or resist any intervention but is simply a man’s way of dealing with the circumstances or stresses around him. He may pull into the silent zone for a few days if making an important decision. Don’t fear when he goes into his cave – he is thinking.

Now I know what you are saying, “I want him to tell me what he is thinking.” Of course, but he doesn’t know what he is thinking yet. He is still processing his thoughts and once he digests it then he will be ready to talk.

Here are a few ways to bring your husband around to a heartfelt discussion and win his heart in the process.

I trust you – No greater words can be spoken to a man than these three words. You must trust him to make the right decision even when you think he should ask for your opinion. Once he is done processing and he begins to talk say something like, “I trust you to do the right thing – have you thought about …..” Don’t use the word “but” or “Well, I tell you what I think,” or “You never want my opinion.” This is crossing out the line, “I trust you.” Lead him around to your opinion by kissing him and saying softly, “I trust you and when you are ready to talk about it, I will be ready to listen.” Powerful words and oftentimes, he will be ready to listen to your advice or opinion.

I need you – This places the ultimate responsibility on the man. Remember the cartoon where the damsel was tied to the railroad track by the bad guy and the good guy would come and rescue her at the last-minute? Your man wants to feel you need him to rescue you. The damsel in distress arouses his manly feelings for heroism. Not whimpering, whining or crying woman because men freeze up with these tactics – they honestly don’t know how to respond. Men marry for strokes not sex, this will keep him attahced to the wife who encourages him and makes him feel important.

I love you - A well placed, “I love you.” As the Bible says, “Apples of gold in pictures of silver.” Abigail brought the right gift and the right words to King David and he later chose her to be his wife after her husband passed away. Not just saying, “I love you” but expressing it throughout the day, bringing him a glass of water, fixing his favorite dessert or simply being there beside him.

I believe you -  Your husband is not a liar but men have a difficult time talking in “woman” language. Therefore, interpretations and descriptions get jumbled up into a mirage of words difficult to understand by the opposite sex. “You said what?” won’t be as effective as “I believe in you.” One man said, “Fighting for your marriage is more important than winning the fight.” Remember, winning him over is the key to a long-lasting love and good communication but it starts with believing in him.

Five Steps to a Happy Marriage

We aren't without our disagreements but with my wife and I having 34 years behind us we have picked up on a few tips along the way to make things a bit less stressful. No body will say marriage is easy but we can say we can make it easier by following basic procedures of communication and relationships.

1. Hot buttons. You know what ticks her off , the words that escalate into a scene. Don't compare, belittle or unjustly criticize by hitting the same hot button day after day. By avoiding the hot buttons we can eliminate 60% of the stress of marriage and 80% of the conflict. Find those hot buttons and stay away from them.

2. Forgive. The biggest word in marriage. Don't hold on to the past arguments. Accept the forgiveness Christ has given you and forgive others easily. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Honestly and sincerely forgive. Steve and Rachel (not their real names) were both cheating on each other but after a sincere and honest prayer of repentance they both forgave each other and moved on in their marriage - it has now been three years of reconciliation. It hasn't always been easy for them but they are making it work.

3. Invest. This is one of the biggest words in marriage. Invest in your marriage. Meet her for lunch during her work day. Take her on a date. Go on a weekend vacation. Go shopping together. Spend time together. Women equal time spent with her as a love gift. A wife who complements her husband will keep him for a long time.

4. Laugh. Having fun in a marriage is one of the best cures for the anxieties of life. The Bible says, A merry heart does good like a medicine. Live a little light-hearted and don't take you self too serious.

5. Pray. Praying together will melt differences and keep your heart soft. Pray often together and for each other.

Ten Things I Have Learned in Ten Years of Marriage

TEN things I’ve learned in TEN years of marriage
Guest Blog by Kristy Howard

1. Men spell love R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
2. Don’t run home and complain to Mama.
3. NEVER, EVER, TALK BAD ABOUT YOUR MAN.
4. It ain’t wrong for wives to be sexy.
5. My children need me to be a good wife, not just a good mama.
6. Contentment is something a girl brings to marriage, not something marriage brings to a girl.
7. A smile makes a woman beautiful to her man.
8. My husband’s opinions are more important than my girl friend’s opinions.
9. CRITICAL WORDS NEVER IMPROVED ANY MAN.
10. A wise woman makes her man the King of his castle.

Read more by Kirsty here:
http://networkedblogs.com/uEIzP

Love and War Devotional for Married Couples

Love and War pulls the covers off the fairy tale marriage and reveals, "marriage is hard." John and Stasi Eldredge are no strangers to the "relationship field," they are best selling authors of "Wild At Heart" and "Captivatin".

This eight week adventure unfolds "real marriage," in a devotional laid out into short daily arrows of truth. "Remembering What We Wanted" begins the quest leading to "Your Spouse is Not Your Enemy" and "The Little Foxes."

Explore your marriage with 134 pages of heart searching and heart mending as "the battle for hearts continues".

"I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review"

Happy Father's Day

A father is created when a child is born - that's the easy part but dad's are made when a relationship has developed between a son or a daughter. Sometimes we just don't get it that our children are not money seeker's or fad grabbers. They are normal kids who want dad to give them some time, some attention and some love.

Dad's know when a child needs a hug, an ice cream or a little advise. A real dad knows that his son needs some "man to man" time. A dad knows when his daughter needs a father- daughter date. Children don't want things as much as they want dad.

A softball and thirty minutes can make a child smile all day. A fishing pole and a cold drink will delight a child for a week. A hug can make a child happy for a decade. A prayer with a child can save him throughout his life.

Families that pray together - stay together. Dad's that lead the family in prayer will always have a family to come home to.

To all the great men who are Dads - Happy Daddy Day!

Forgiveness Comes in Three Steps

Forgiveness is the mercy of God for you, the power of God for others. Forgiveness reveals both strength and humility. Forgiveness removes the present pain and sometimes the past hurt. People who forgive live longer and live better. Joyce Meyers said that bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping someone else will die.

Forgiveness comes in three major steps:

God's forgiveness.

It must begin here. Forgiveness is not an issue of works but a divine work of mercy. You must believe that He does forgive and you must ask Him for it. Time heals is a farce without the forgiveness of God. When you allow God to forgive you it is easier to forgive someone else.

Forgiving others.

One of the reason it is hard to forgive others is we have been taught that we must forget. Someone said, "I can forgive but I can't forget." This is true. God asked you to forgive but didn't ask you to forget. When you forgive you will not be slapped with amnesia. You can always tell when you have forgiven someone - when their name comes up you have lost the heated passion to get even.

Forgive yourself.

Perhaps the hardest of the three. If you can't forgive yourself you will find it hard to accept God's forgivenss and definitely find it hard to forgive others. Find it within your heart to allow God's love. Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery, the theif on the cross and Saul, the murderer - He will forgive you too.

Changing a Flat Tire

A couple I know has a habit of running on bare tires, I even gave them some money to buy a new tire once. In fact, if a tire loses air - they will go air it up a dozen times before they ever decide to repair or patch the tire. I can't tell you the times they have had a flat tire, only to moan and complain about how terrible life is, air it back up and keep going till the next calamity.

Another couple I know does their marriage the same way. They run on bare threads. No time for each other, stressed out over life and events, and saying, "I'm sorry," but never reparing the relationship. Like airing a tire with a slow leak - sometimes they are up and sometimes they are down.

Without addressing the propblem and merely finding temporary solutions will result in a "blow out," that will endanger the couple and their children.

But "I can't afford a new tire", or "I don't have time", or "that's my husband's job," or, "It's her fault not mind," prevail in the marriage. Finally the blow up comes and all the excuses lose their impact.

Bob and Joan (ficticious names but a real couple) actually made these excuses, never having time or mnoney or "whatever" to fix or replace the "bare tire" in their marriage, and the "blow ups" are more frequent. Scary. Now she is talking divorce.

By the way, the first couple went out and bought a new tire and threw the old one away. I am happy they are safe.

Growing Closer in Tough Economic Times

Bob is a smart business man with a glowing personality and a profound love for his wife but the Monday after thanksgiving he was laid off his job and her income alone was not enough to live on. The stress began to build -especially when she was rushed to the doctor's office for stitches in her hand. The medical bills were enormous and invaded their Christmas savings account.

Just when you thought you couldn't take another hit then the baby gets sick and the hospital bills begin to come in - right before Christmas. You may have a few dollars saved for gifts only to have the transmission go out on your van. Or, worse yet, laid off your job.

These tough economic times can bring stress to the best marriages and often bring untold heartache and dive into depression. It is difficult for married couples to work out the kinks when driving blindfolded. Marriage is sailing through uncharted waters of economic instability.

Here are a few keys to unlock the door of stress:

1. Bite the bullet. That was a cheap shot but truly look at your daily outgo, write it down and eliminate any luxury bills.
2. Have fun. There are plenty of free or inexpensive things to do. Go to the Christmas parade, eat popcorn and roll on the floor with the kids are still fun and free family past times.
3. Take a walk. It wards off stress, helps you stay healthy and provides time for you and your bride to communicate.
4. Call a friend. For most cell phone users weekends are free calls. Call a relative, friend, or classmate you haven't talked to in a long time.
5. Go to Christmas activities. Christmas parties, family get-togethers and church Christmas plays are numerous this time of year.
6. Watch a black and white DVD together. "It's a Wonderful Life," is a great Christmas time DVD and fits our economic times.
7. Work in a soup kitchen. Nothing warms the heart like helping someone less fortunate than you.
8. Bake some goodies. trying a new recipe and giving it as a gift to a neighbor or friend is a delight.
9. Have coffee with an old friend.
10. Study the Bible. The colder climate is an ideal time to grab a book, read the Bible and research a new topic.
11. Say I Love You. Tell your wife/husband you really love them, by the fireplace, alone...get it?
12. Write in your journal. Writing is a keepsake and a stress reliever.
13. Organize a closet. Or, rearrange the furniture.
14. Reminisce through old family photos.
15. Pray. Prayer is the ideal stress reliever.

The Marriage Seasons

Each time the seasons change you will hear something like, "Oh, I just love fall." Or, they may say, "Spring is my favorite time of year." Or, "I could live with summertime weather all the time." But no matter what season you love, and in whatever climate you live, (unless extreme south or extreme summer). You will notice there are changes brought into your life by the changing seasons. It is more than the fall leaves of autumn, the budding flowers of spring, the crisp air of winter or the humid days of an August summer. It is the activities of life that make the seasons enjoyable or repulsive.

Marriage has its seasons and the events, activities and attitudes of each season can make it repulsive or enjoyable. Take for instance, researches say there are four extreme changes in a couples marriage. The first one takes place usually around the third year of marriage, friction begins to develop and mount over the differences found in our individuality. When two begin to become one flesh - friction will develop. So naturally, the differences accumulate into "irreconcilable differences," but they are reconcilable if we will follow three definitive steps: 1. Realize that there are no perfect couples 2. Forgive easily, and 3. let your differences become compliments of style and creativity. People don't usually marry someone like them but moistly, marry someone who is weaker in definite areas where they are strong.

The second major season is during the 7th year. Children are in school, moms are bored, dads are overworked, stress is inevitable, and schedules become chaotic. Here are three tips to making this season a little more enjoyable. 1. Plan ahead and schedule well. 2. Plan time alone with just the two of you and go on occasional dates. 3. Don't let the children set the day - have them set the day around you and your husband's needs first.

The third major season is the fifteenth year. Boredom is the culprit. The children are in high school, mom and dad are tired most of the time, money may be tight and life is complicated. Mostly, this difficult time can be fixed by 1. Focusing on the marriage with exciting dates, time off, a night out with friends or family without the kids, and, 2. Having talk times set at the breakfast table or before you go to bed where you can communicate without interruption.

The last season is usually midlife around the 25th year of marriage. Physical life changes add to the mix of some emotional days but these are not marriage ending conflicts. Enjoy the good days, spend time together in relaxed moments, rev up your sex life and focus on the grandchildren are all quick ways to get the emotions settled down and the marriage back on track.

Now, let's put our best effort's forward and strive to have a great marriage in any season of life.

LISTENING: The Essential Love Language

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a classic with most couples and marriage mentors and has won the hearts of many people. Over the years of mentoring and counseling couples one particular love language has become paramount in our technological society. It is the desire to be heard, whether twitter, texting, email, cell phone, Facebook, Myspace or a host of other communication tools; the message is the same: someone listen to me.

Overworked, stressed, and under appreciated housewives have found an emotional outlet in technology and after the kids are down for their afternoon naps, exhausted moms are reaching out on the media connectors. The drastic search for "small talk," the desire for connection and the "inner want" to be cared for, cause the heart to wander and seemingly insignificant compromises are made until "man meets woman."

"Just a friend," "Someone to talk to," "Meaningful conversation," until connection turns to emotional and sometimes, physical attraction. Some are addicted to the "white knight" syndrome thinking that someone is waiting to sweep the harried mother, out of her present stress and doldrums, and into the relationship she has "always dreamed of."

What awaits however, is loss of family, health, emotional downfalls, and spiritual drainage. One such mother confessed, "I lost it - in fact, I lost it all." Another admitted, "He wanted sex, I wanted so much more." The Internet "white knight" is often a wolf in sheep's clothing. Lust for men is sex and lust for women is covetousness for something more - sometimes for something that doesn't exists.

Communication is the key to a successful marriage. We will present more effective communication tools in our next blog.

Family - It Means Everything

I have always believed that God comes first, then family. Next month will be 32 years of marriage and I haven't changed my mind. God is still first, family second. Sometimes life is complicated and confusing. Jobs demand extra time, health issues drain us, and life calls our name from all corners. It is easy to mix up the two and even push God and family into a far corner while we divulge in life's extravagances. Accumulating more stuff at the expense of God and money has left many a tragic father without. Following rainbows instead of God and family has caused many a soul to drift from the very best in life.

Why not take the time you need - no, not tomorrow but today -with God and family.

MARRIAGE CHAMPIONS

In the surrounding arena are the lions of ferocious attacks against the marriages of America. Divorce claims the homes of one out of two marriages and abuse rises as flood waters after a torrential rain. It is time, maybe, past time, to leap into a fresh approach to shore up and strengthen our marriages. Not mere existence but life growth.

Life Church is sponsoring the Marriage Champions Seminar beginning February 5th and running for eight weeks. The seminar will include video clips, stories, illustrations, interaction, handouts and snacks. In collaboration with John Brown University, Northwest Arkansas Healthy Marriages and the Center for Relationship Development, Life Church will help marriages grow instead of stagnate, climb instead of fall and melt together instead of fall apart.

Go to www,nwamarriages.com for these free classes plus, enjoy the professional and confidential aspects of the class, plus, meet others pulling in the same direction, plus, snacks and fellowship afterwards plus, childcare is available.

Just what you need at the right time! Register today.

New Years Resolutions for Couples

Here are a few suggestions for couples who intend to invest in their marriage in 2009. Don't forget when you invest you are able to make withdrawals. The more you invest in your marriage the more flexible and forgivable the marriage becomes.

Resolution #1: Pray Together. The old adage is still true, the family that prays together, stays together. The Bible tells us that prayers are hindered when couples don't get along, so it bears in mind that a couples prayers are NOT hindered when they get along. Prayer time is a good time to talk, share, testify, encourage and humble ourselves before God and our mate.

Resolution #2: Play Together. Some couples have forgotten how to have fun. Pop some popcorn, pour two glasses of Coke, turn out the light and watch a black and white classic. Or, plan a day off. Or, plan a spring or summer vacation. Go on a date or take a day trip.

Resolution #3: Plan Together: Enjoy the benefit of planning to build a back porch, redo the landscaping, paint the living room or update the kitchen. Clean out the garage or set out a 2009 budget. Planning takes resilience, dedication and fortitude. Planning together puts the glue back in a marriage.

Resolution #4: Purpose Together: Find out what your "couple purpose" is. Decide on a mission to support, an orphanage to check out, a food bank to give to or a friend to encourage. These times spent together for others are enormous in adding value to your marriage.

Resolution #5: Practice Together: Take on a hike, a jog, tennis, exercise, diet or fast together. Also, practice applauding each other. Praise each other fervently and frequently. Applaud each attempt in pleasing you, whether it is a scrumptious dinner, a well planned evening, a new outfit, or other meaningful "love gift."

A GREAT TIME TOGETHER.

After 31 years of marriage, that's 31 Christmas holiday events, we are still planning, spending, preparing, baking, partying, gifting, tasting, decorating, scheduling, giving, going, and more. Yes, we have experienced headaches, sore feet, empty checkbooks and cold weather but my wife and I are still having a great time together.

We feel the pain of the holidays, the stress of the schedules and the overspending on the presents and I get angry, stressed, head achy, and frazzled but my wife and I are still having a great time together.

We have two grandchildren (I have pictures if you care to see them), Jake, one year old, and Kallee who was born this past Dec 3rd. We have two children, both married, who are spending Christmas with their relatives this year Rather than soak and soar; or sit and mope, we have decided to go off for Christmas Eve and Christmas day, just a couple of hours away. I found a 3.5 star hotel on Hotwire for half the price and we plan to look at Christmas lights, explore Tulsa shops and find nice restaurants to eat at and exchange gifts Christmas eve. My wife and I are still having a great time together.

Oh, we disagree, fuss, complain and the usual holiday medley but my wife and I are still having a great time together, We have cried, laughed, prayed and sometimes worried but my wife and I are still having a great time together.

We have enjoyed a great past, looking forward to a blessed future and my plans include her and her plans include me. My wife and I are still having a great time together.

Babies, Hugs and Smiles

Being a father was a delight - watching both of my children grow up to be God loving adults and building their own family. My daughter's son will turn one year old in just a few days and my son's wife will give birth within the week. So now I am putting on my grandfather image and watching my children bring their children into the world. When the babies are around - nothing else is important. It is one of the joys of holding on to a long married life together. Over 31 years my wife and I have been married and we are enjoying the reward.

A few, no a bunch, of things have crossed my mind when I see the grandson and think of my soon to be, granddaughter.

First, I have to watch my step. I know that since the little guy is learning to walk, (he has the bumps on his forehead to prove it), he can get under your feet in a hurry. But I was talking about my daily life - he loves to mimic and that is what causes me concern. Do I treat my neighbor right? Have I spoken well? Have my actions been moral and upstanding?

Secondly, I must love Godl. Children come into life with a blank chalkboard and what is written upon it has been taught by the adults around him. He learns from what he sees and hears. He knows how to love others and how to love God.

Thirdly, I must pray. Faith doesn't come through the channels of habit but rather through the prayers of the family. I must pray for his spirit to shine, his countenance to glow, his life to bless and his soul to be saved at an early age. I will pray for his parents to be good in their upbringing, teaching him to live right and for them to pray with him at night. I will pray to God for his protection, his dreams and purposes to be God willed and his life to influence others.

Well, I hate to quit so quickly but my grandson needs a hug.