A Miracle in Your Marriage

Can we expect a miracle in our marriage; when frustrations, failures and fears have a tendency to creep up in what we thought was a near perfect romance? When love spirals down and tensions spews up in tirades of anger? Can I expect the best when all I am seeing is the worse?

I think it is interesting to note the first miracle Jesus performed was at a wedding. I think it is not a coincidence but determined to prove a point.

First, to declare Jesus is as welcome in the casual atmosphere of life as He is in the stately worship of a Sunday service. We find Jesus in a stable, at the seashore with fishermen, at dinner with a tax collector, walking through a vineyard, sitting on a mountainside and visiting in people’s homes. Jesus feels at home in our home if you simply welcome Him into your home.

Secondly, Jesus was at the wedding to exhibit His miracle working power. Jesus worked a miracle at a wedding and He is still working miracles in marriages today. If Jesus can turn water into wine at a wedding then He can turn friction into love, anger into respect and separation into togetherness. Marriage is a trinity including husband, wife and Jesus; without Jesus, your marriage is incomplete. But miracles still happen in marriages. A couple who had been separated by bitter and hateful words is making a go of it again. A couple’s heated argument was changed into trust and honor. Yes, Jesus can still work a miracle in your marriage. Sound like a fairy tale? Here are some practical steps to marriage miracles:

Be thankful True gratitude can open the hardest of hearts. Instead of trying to change each other be thankful for those virtues that brought you together in the first place. Your “first love” was based on attraction – dig those up from your hidden memory and be outspoken in your gratitude for each of these. Express your thanks be writing a note, a phone call in the middle of a busy afternoon, or at dinner time.

Be prayerful Prayer is the key to every marriage. Pray for your wife/husband for extra strength and love. Pray for yourself that you would become the kind of husband/wife God would be pleased with. Prayer will soften your heart and your spouse.

Be kind Kindness can get more do through one single act than a million complaints. No greater attribute in marriage can get more done. It may take time but its results are astounding. Don’t give to get and don’t expect kindness in return, just make it your common virtue.

Be respectful Men marry for respect, honor and regard – to compliment a man is like adding a deposit to your savings account, it will build with interest. Women marry for love and to support her with a sense of security and one to one attention will build a lifelong marriage.

Be real Dishonesty breaks the strongest marriage. Real relationships are built on trust – once broken, it make takes months or years to repair. Cover ups and hidden deceit break the back bone of love. Be honest, transparent and humble and watch miracles happen in your marriage.   

Three Questions Every Married Women is Asking

Married women are asking questions and nobody dare to answer them and there are three major reasons why. The first is no one really knows what the questions are. Secondly, most are afraid to answer the questions, and thirdly, most married women who ask questions aren't really looking for answers.

But if we did know what the questions are and if we can assume they really want answers and we dare to walk where angels fear to tread, then read on, at your own risk, because women can answer a question without really giving an answer but be careful, be very careful, to the man who endeavors to answer the question, (see point three above).

The three questions most married women are asking:

1.       Does my husband think I still look good?

2.       Does my husband still love me?

3.       Is my husband listening to me?

Now, I know I will get emails and other comments saying that is NOT the question they are asking and I must admit, there are many more questions married women are asking but remember I am a male, I am writing this from a husband prospective. When women ask questions these are the three questions most husbands are hearing.

First, does my husband think I still look good? Your husband may or may not have married you for your looks. If you actually wowed him during courtship then you may have some reasons to worry when you reach 75 but when you are 75 there are many more ways to keep him around for a few more years. But most husbands marry because he enjoyed being around you, (assuming of course, that women are actually reading this blog). He married you for fun, laughs, good times; he felt completed with you and would not be completed without you.

Let me explain, women think men marry for sex but actually most men marry for strokes. They actually like to be petted, nursed, carried for, and bragged on. If you make your husband feel good when he comes home from work then you will see him continue to come home from work. Your greatest marriage insurance is to brag on your husband, compliment him.

As far as still looking good to him, sure, brush your hair, put on perfume, wear something fresh but most of all greet him with a smile – make him feel good to be home.

Secondly, does my husband still love me? Well, most likely so but men don’t communicate like women or as often as women. Squeezing an “I love you,” from his lips may be more difficult than most women realize but it doesn’t change his thoughts towards you. Men communicate love with gifts, time, protection, a service (mow, take out the trash, etc), or wrestling with the kids. I agree, men need to practice saying, I love you, to their wife and showing it but don’t be startled if he hasn’t said, “I love you” in a while but today could be different. (Men, if you have waded through this blog this far then you need this, tell your wife today, “I love you”). Ladies, give him a reason to say, “I love you.”

Thirdly, is my husband listening to me? “No!” I mean, “Yes!” Well, sometimes. Would you mind repeating the question? Men are compartmentalized. It is an understatement to say that men are preoccupied. They carry their work in their head; they bury their nose in a newspaper or stare at a computer screen for hours and hardly come up for air. This is his way to escape but check his pulse occasionally.

Let me give you some ideas:

Don’t try to lay heavy decisions upon him when he first comes home from work – bluntly, he isn’t listening.

Don’t try to have an important conversation with him right before dinner – he isn’t listening.

Don’t interrupt his game, his reading or his sleep – he isn’t listening.

Instead, wait till he has been home about an hour, after supper and after his planned escape (rest time), then sit next to him and say, “You always seem to have such good advice; I need some input, would you help me?” The damsel in distress! Yes, he is listening. By giving a compliment, asking for an answer and asking for help, you have just tapped into the male brain to come to the rescue.

When you need to ask a question in a hurry, make sure you are looking at him and he is looking at you. Men need to see you to hear you – most of the time. (Men, again, if you have waded this far you are in way over your head, but the next time your wife needs to talk to you about something, look her in the eyes and give her the honor of having your complete attention. In other words, turn your phone on silent and put it in your pocket).

Well, I just thought of a few more questions… maybe, next time.

Change Your Marriage this Week!

I want a better marriage! The stone faced couple sat in front of me with tear filled eyes. They were hurt and wounded but lacked the wisdom to turn their marriage around. "Do you have a checkbook?" After they answered, taking the checkbook I explained, taking withdrawals without deposits would soon cost them more, with bank charges, then they originally had. Do you wish to have the marriage you had when you first married? They both answered an emphatic , "Yes!"
The reason for our "first love" immensity is the amount of deposits we put into the love scenario. The more you put into the marriage - the more you are able to withdrawal. Both had been taking out of the marriage without any deposits into the marriage.
Maybe you find yourself in this same predicament. You see the both of you taking out of the marriage but not putting anything back. Here are a few deposits you must put into the marriage "checking account" today.
Compliment Giving your spouse a genuine and sincere complement is like filling up the gas tank - you cn go a long ways on one compliment. Giving a heartfelt, "Wow! that was a great dinner." "Wow! you sure look great today." "Wow! you are the best ever." The "wow!" compliments can change a marriage from bad to good or from good to great in a matter of days but don't give and expect a "wow!" back. Simply give the compliment without an expected return of a compliment.
Care Giving a few simply "love pats" throughout the day lets your spouse know you acknowledge their presence. These touches should accumulate approximately seven a day to sufficiently express your thoughts and actions towards your spouse. "Love pats" can be a soft shoulder rub, a hug, a kiss on the check, holding their hand or a pat on the shoulder or back. Theses are nonsexual and not to be considered as an advance but simply a "love pat" of acknowledgement and love.
Considerate Ask honest and open-ended questions about their day, or how they feel or what's on their mind and get ready to listen. Listening is the lost art of love in many marriages. Focus your eyes, attention and heart on the one speaking. Show concern and be considerate. Husbands, you are not fixing the problem (my greatest fault) but you are simply listening and being considerate of their "bad day" experiences. You are feeling for them not fixing them.
Combine Work together. Worship together. Have fun together. Work in the yard together. Clean house together. Wash dishes together. Go on a walk together. Date, of course, together. Go to a coffee shop together. Go on a drive through the country together. Plan your vacation together. You get the picture - combine your efforts into one goal.
Call Whether you are on a business trip or working in your office - send your spouse a text message or call just to say, "I love you." Write a note and leave it for him/her when they open their lunch sack. Throughout the day let your spouse know you are thinking of them.
Complete God is the glue of the marriage and prayer is the application of the glue. To complete a marriage you must pray together. I pray, "Help me, Lord, to be the kind of husband you would be proud of." My wife prays, "Help me, Lord, be the kind of wife you would be proud of." We ask each other to forgive us for words, thoughts or actions that are creating friction rather than a loving environment. we pray together, "Lord, bless our marriage as an inspiration to others."
Comment: What are some deposits you make in your marriage that would be helpful to others?
Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author.

Highpoints Book Launch

Consider the biggest announcements of history. “The British are coming,” by the night rider, Paul Revere. Or, Pearl Harbor Bombed splashed across the newspaper. Well, this one isn’t going THAT big but it’s up there in the rankings. Westbow Press has released the publication, my newest book, Highpoints.

Do you dream of the high places, of mountain air and a new-found freedom to believe? Highpoints will lead you into real life adventures of mountain climbers who risked their lives. You will explore the peaks of life-like never before and discover your own Highpoints of life.

Already, Launch Team one is building momentum. Launch Team One is a group ordering five or more copies of the book. Highpoints, for a cell group, Bible Study, Sunday School Class, Men’s group or for gifts. They receive a FREE Dare2climb ebook study guide and autographed copies of the book, Highpoints. If you would like to be a part of this group, please, email me privately via Facebook.

Launch Team Two will be announced in the next few days. Watch for Facebook posts, blog posts and twitter for special announcements.

I am so thankful for the reviews of those on the endorsement team and we will be sharing those next week. Now it is time for you to order the book and begin your ascent with Highpoints. Order here http://www.highpointbook.com/

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Comment: What do you think is the best way to announce the publication of a book?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author.

Four Things I Pray for my Children

When it comes to praying for my children and grandchildren I have expressed no greater passion. It comes natural for a grandparent to pray for their grandchildren and a parent to pray for their children but I have felt that I needed to be more defined in my requests. More than “Bless them, Lord.” I needed to pray a definite and detailed request for God to actually move into their home and personal life and be the third person of their marriage and the unseen guest at every meal. I wanted to pray, believe and record the results but “Bless them, Lord” didn’t cover all the bases.

Here are the four things I pray for my children and grandchildren.

Protection They must be kept from the invisible influences of evil that can pull at their tender hearts and minds - they must be protected. Swaying compromises and unbalanced convictions can turn their life in another direction – they must be protected. Crime, accidents, disease and trouble must be kept away – they must be protected. Wrong friends, temptations and a fading spiritual life can ruin them – they must be protected. I pray for their protection.

Preservation Life has a way of dragging you down, dragging you around and dragging you away – I pray for their preservation. Stability, closeness, and family ties are important - I pray for their preservation. Marriage, love and togetherness are valuable - I pray for their preservation. Faithfulness, committment and bonding are needed – I pray for their preservation.

Provision I don’t pray for riches but I do pray for their needs to be met. I don’t pray for wealth but I do pray they will live debt free.I don’t pray they will build bigger barns but I do pray they will be abundantly blessed. Every need to be supplied, every care to be placed in the hands of God, and every day to be filled with thanksgiving for His faithfulness.

Presence When praying for my children and grandchildren I pray most passionately about the manifest presence of God in their home and daily life. I firmly believe when God is present not much else can survive. I pray for the living room, bedrooms and kitchen is filled with the presence of God. Their heart, mind and soul is filled with the presence of God. Their home, church and school is filled with he presence of God. I pray for the presence of God to be living, active and working in their daily life.
Prayer is essential and not a routine , especially when it comes to praying for our children and grandchildren, let us pray.

Comment Below:What do you pray for your children?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author.

Confessions of a Father

The day after Father’s Day and back to work but not without some important changes. Several fathers admit there are some things they would like to change. They want to change their family future.

Most father’s admit they aren’t for sure what is expected of them and what they must do to accomplish being a “good” father. They support their family with a good work ethic, provide for the needs of the family and go to church but father’s are asking, “is something missing?”

Let’s look at what children really need from their father if we are to find adequate answers. It is true families need to be provided for but new shoes will never take the place of a father pitching the ball to his son madly swinging a bat in all the wrong directions.

Of all the requests that come from families for dad to do this or that – the most requested item is – “we just want Dad to be with us.”

“Dad time” is the most important item we can give to a child. Let’s look at some prime “dad time” ideas:

Being one to one with your child The highlight of a child’s week is when he is picked to go with dad. We must be fair to balance it out when there are more children but this “gift” of time with a child being one on one with Dad is one of the most important aspects of a child’s life.

Praying with your child Praying together makes our heart soft and grants a connection with a child, only God can give. When my children we young there were times I asked my son or daughter to forgive me for being angry, only to hear those innocence words come back, “I forgive you Dad.” Precious time is invested in a child when you are on your knees.

Love their mother Your children will find no greater security than when a Dad shows affection to their momma. A dad who expresses honor and affection to their children’s mother is a wise man.

Comment below: Do you have a “DAD TIME” moment you would like to share?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

Six Ways to Settle an Argument

You are not responsible for their actions but you are responsible for your reactions. A tense disagreement can ruin a relationship. Stress drives anger to the boiling point. We can learn to disagree agreeable and take the steering wheel in our hands. Let's look at Six Ways to Settle an Argument:

Lower your voice. A loud voice doesn't exert authority but only exemplifies your loss of control. "A soft answer turns away wrath," the psalmist David advises. You don't win by getting louder - you only escalate the problem.

Understand different interpretations. Even Matthew, Mark, Luke and John told the story of Christ through a different lens. Your personality, upbringing, environment, childhood and education will make a difference on how you view ideas around you. Allow for different interpretations. Your opinion is just that - an opinion. Don't put people in a box, your box.

Be ready to forgive. I'm sorry but... isn't really an apology. Saying your sorry has become such cheap words when said many times without change. It is better to say, "Would you forgive me? I will do my best to do better and to change."

Find common ground. Instead of magnifying the areas you don't agree on find the areas you do agree on. Find a common place to begin with.

Don't go to bed mad. You subconscious dwells on your most emotional downturn of the day, causing you to build a wall, one brick at a time. Unresolved conflict is still a conflict. Take care of the matter before it gets bigger.

Pray about it. Pray for you and pray for them. Pray for them to change after you pray for you to change. Remember Jesus forgave you. If the conflict still burns like fire in your bosom then most likely you have not forgiven yet.

Comment Below: Do you have a story of forgiveness?

Copyright By Jim Laudell. Permission must be obtained from the author to reporduce or copy.

Family Prayer

When our children were preschoolers we would have a regular scheduled time for prayer and Bible story time. Each evening the children would climb on the couch for daddy to tell a story, take prayer requests and pray with each one. Later on when my children grew to be teens, praying together as a family was a directive for their relationships, school work and other pursuits. Now, my children are married and have children of their own, what a great delight to know they pray with their children each night before bedtime.
The Gospels record Jesus inviting the children to come to Him. Family prayer has many benefits but let me name just a few:
It is a great time for the family to talk about pressing issues. Families don't get enough time to have meaningful conversations about moral, economical or relational subjects and the time of Family Prayer can open up discussion of these vital topics. It is found among teens, they will follow whoever listens to them.
It is a great time to express our love for each other. My wife and I would often thank Jesus for each other while praying, reinforcing our love and commitment to each other at our family time of prayer. Holding the children in your lap and praying a blessing over them not only has biblical roots but can open the door for your child to receive what God has in store for each child.
It is a great time to uncover the purpose for each child. Each person has a unique calling and purpose for life. Family prayer time can investigate the gifts of each child and expose them to various callings for their life.
It is a great time to pray for their protection. Each time you send your child into the public school you risk not seeing that child return in the same spirit. We must pray protection over their body, mind and spirit. The Israel customs were full of symbolism and in Exodus the description of putting blood on the doorposts to protect the family from the death angel, reminds us to plead the blood over our children for their protection in an evil world.
It is a great time to memorize the Word of God together. With all the functions, activities and events of the local church, there is nothing as powerful as the family memorizing the Word of God together. En-grafting the Word of God in our mind and life is an awesome insurance for the lives of our children. Deuteronomy 6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

Family Fun

The most bonding of all family events is having fun together. Laughing, throwing a ball, a picnic, vacation, surprise visit, birthday parties, and a long list of a lot more. We all stake our claim to busyness but we need to funny business going on win our family life. Taking the children for a walk, a trip to the zoo, a children's event, pizza or camping out in the living room are once in a lifetime events that children and families will remember forever. Take the camera or a video camera and get double the fun by doing popcorn and a video the following weekend. Turn off the TV, set your voicemail to pick up business after your trip out and have fun. One of the greatest investments we made was a condo on the lake that we frequent with our family. Skype the relatives that live a far distance from you and let the children visit with relatives you wouldn't normally see very often.
Fun is spelled Forever - the time you will have will indelibly be etched in a child's memory forever. Unique - the different, outlandish and sometimes, odd will make the most impact. Not expensive - fun doesn't have to cost very much. Look for the free or inexpensive family oriented events in your area. Make a list that can be referred to from time to time.
Let's get started this weekend.

Ten Things I Have Learned in Ten Years of Marriage

TEN things I’ve learned in TEN years of marriage
Guest Blog by Kristy Howard

1. Men spell love R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
2. Don’t run home and complain to Mama.
3. NEVER, EVER, TALK BAD ABOUT YOUR MAN.
4. It ain’t wrong for wives to be sexy.
5. My children need me to be a good wife, not just a good mama.
6. Contentment is something a girl brings to marriage, not something marriage brings to a girl.
7. A smile makes a woman beautiful to her man.
8. My husband’s opinions are more important than my girl friend’s opinions.
9. CRITICAL WORDS NEVER IMPROVED ANY MAN.
10. A wise woman makes her man the King of his castle.

Read more by Kirsty here:
http://networkedblogs.com/uEIzP

Changing a Flat Tire

A couple I know has a habit of running on bare tires, I even gave them some money to buy a new tire once. In fact, if a tire loses air - they will go air it up a dozen times before they ever decide to repair or patch the tire. I can't tell you the times they have had a flat tire, only to moan and complain about how terrible life is, air it back up and keep going till the next calamity.

Another couple I know does their marriage the same way. They run on bare threads. No time for each other, stressed out over life and events, and saying, "I'm sorry," but never reparing the relationship. Like airing a tire with a slow leak - sometimes they are up and sometimes they are down.

Without addressing the propblem and merely finding temporary solutions will result in a "blow out," that will endanger the couple and their children.

But "I can't afford a new tire", or "I don't have time", or "that's my husband's job," or, "It's her fault not mind," prevail in the marriage. Finally the blow up comes and all the excuses lose their impact.

Bob and Joan (ficticious names but a real couple) actually made these excuses, never having time or mnoney or "whatever" to fix or replace the "bare tire" in their marriage, and the "blow ups" are more frequent. Scary. Now she is talking divorce.

By the way, the first couple went out and bought a new tire and threw the old one away. I am happy they are safe.

Teamwork

Teamwork creates a sense of balance. Even if you don’t like people you must admit you like the variety of input they provide for the company or the product. Effective teamwork adds dimension, a creative approach and an aura of accountability. To make teamwork really work, simply means involving the team. Team effort creates energy and energy means productivity. Nothing creates energy like a team. Football is best played with both the defense and the offence doing what they do best. When people work as a team they feel motivated not isolated. Teamwork is always your best tool in the tool box. Teamwork is best accomplished when there is thorough communication – without communication, the entire process is doomed. Communication must be two way and an effective leader will hear from the team, as well as, speak to the team. Each member of the team knows what to expect – surprises, often, lead to rumors and gossip and confusion. Communication clearly defines expectations and applauds accomplishment.

Recreation means Re-creating

Recreation has viewed by some means to waste time, kill time or be non productive but actually in a marriage the value of recreation has been underestimated. All work and no play makes John a very dull boy.

To create a renewed sense of love and commitment time should be peppered with occasional time off for "just the two of you."

Here are a few tips on "re-creating" you love and marriage.

1. Take a day trip to a park, town or relative you haven't seen in a while.
2. Go out for desert and coffee.
3. Go for a walk around the block, through a flower garden or park.
4. Sit on the back porch with lemonade and talk about dating when you first met.
5. Work out in the yard together with mowing, landscaping or an outdoor project.
6. Stroll through a shopping mall together.
7. Go to a few garage sales and catch breakfast on Saturday morning.
8. Go out for pizza with someone you haven't seen in a while.
9. Text her/him and meet for lunch somewhere.
10. Take a drive into a neighborhood of homes for sale or into the country.

Plus, there are a dozen other things to do as the weather breaks and nice sunny days are waiting for you to enjoy.

These are the little things of life that add up to a great marriage.

Creating a Home Filled with Love

After the stress of the holidays, what you didn't have any? Well, it is time to get out of bed.

Stress filled holidays is being overloaded with family filled events, overwhelmed with paying off credit cards, and overcrowded in activities and you are running off schedule. Now you are sitting in your home with your mate and you can feel the tension. You know, you can feel it - it is tight! You are afraid to say anything, afraid to move, afraid to breathe. Hot chocolate can't solve it, pumpkin bread can't melt it, a good book can't relieve it.

Here are a few pointers for starting the New Year!

Start by Asking for Forgiveness. If you haven't got what it takes to provide a peaceful setting in your home then take a breath and say, "I know that the last week or two we have both been under pressure. I am sorry if I wasn't my best. Please, forgive me." Start fresh!

Start by Planning Time for Togetherness. Take some time out for the two of you. On the first day of the year, when my wife and I finally crawled out of bed, we ran down to our favorite breakfast stop, enjoyed some refreshing time together, grabbed a few "after Christmas specials" and headed home in much better spirits.

Start Right by Seeking God. Above all else. Plan a Bible Study and a time of prayer. The first of the year is an excellent time to begin private devotions. Set your own time, set your own place, grab a devotional book and start out the year seeking God for your personal life and your home.