A Miracle in Your Marriage

Can we expect a miracle in our marriage; when frustrations, failures and fears have a tendency to creep up in what we thought was a near perfect romance? When love spirals down and tensions spews up in tirades of anger? Can I expect the best when all I am seeing is the worse?

I think it is interesting to note the first miracle Jesus performed was at a wedding. I think it is not a coincidence but determined to prove a point.

First, to declare Jesus is as welcome in the casual atmosphere of life as He is in the stately worship of a Sunday service. We find Jesus in a stable, at the seashore with fishermen, at dinner with a tax collector, walking through a vineyard, sitting on a mountainside and visiting in people’s homes. Jesus feels at home in our home if you simply welcome Him into your home.

Secondly, Jesus was at the wedding to exhibit His miracle working power. Jesus worked a miracle at a wedding and He is still working miracles in marriages today. If Jesus can turn water into wine at a wedding then He can turn friction into love, anger into respect and separation into togetherness. Marriage is a trinity including husband, wife and Jesus; without Jesus, your marriage is incomplete. But miracles still happen in marriages. A couple who had been separated by bitter and hateful words is making a go of it again. A couple’s heated argument was changed into trust and honor. Yes, Jesus can still work a miracle in your marriage. Sound like a fairy tale? Here are some practical steps to marriage miracles:

Be thankful True gratitude can open the hardest of hearts. Instead of trying to change each other be thankful for those virtues that brought you together in the first place. Your “first love” was based on attraction – dig those up from your hidden memory and be outspoken in your gratitude for each of these. Express your thanks be writing a note, a phone call in the middle of a busy afternoon, or at dinner time.

Be prayerful Prayer is the key to every marriage. Pray for your wife/husband for extra strength and love. Pray for yourself that you would become the kind of husband/wife God would be pleased with. Prayer will soften your heart and your spouse.

Be kind Kindness can get more do through one single act than a million complaints. No greater attribute in marriage can get more done. It may take time but its results are astounding. Don’t give to get and don’t expect kindness in return, just make it your common virtue.

Be respectful Men marry for respect, honor and regard – to compliment a man is like adding a deposit to your savings account, it will build with interest. Women marry for love and to support her with a sense of security and one to one attention will build a lifelong marriage.

Be real Dishonesty breaks the strongest marriage. Real relationships are built on trust – once broken, it make takes months or years to repair. Cover ups and hidden deceit break the back bone of love. Be honest, transparent and humble and watch miracles happen in your marriage.   

Three Questions Every Married Women is Asking

Married women are asking questions and nobody dare to answer them and there are three major reasons why. The first is no one really knows what the questions are. Secondly, most are afraid to answer the questions, and thirdly, most married women who ask questions aren't really looking for answers.

But if we did know what the questions are and if we can assume they really want answers and we dare to walk where angels fear to tread, then read on, at your own risk, because women can answer a question without really giving an answer but be careful, be very careful, to the man who endeavors to answer the question, (see point three above).

The three questions most married women are asking:

1.       Does my husband think I still look good?

2.       Does my husband still love me?

3.       Is my husband listening to me?

Now, I know I will get emails and other comments saying that is NOT the question they are asking and I must admit, there are many more questions married women are asking but remember I am a male, I am writing this from a husband prospective. When women ask questions these are the three questions most husbands are hearing.

First, does my husband think I still look good? Your husband may or may not have married you for your looks. If you actually wowed him during courtship then you may have some reasons to worry when you reach 75 but when you are 75 there are many more ways to keep him around for a few more years. But most husbands marry because he enjoyed being around you, (assuming of course, that women are actually reading this blog). He married you for fun, laughs, good times; he felt completed with you and would not be completed without you.

Let me explain, women think men marry for sex but actually most men marry for strokes. They actually like to be petted, nursed, carried for, and bragged on. If you make your husband feel good when he comes home from work then you will see him continue to come home from work. Your greatest marriage insurance is to brag on your husband, compliment him.

As far as still looking good to him, sure, brush your hair, put on perfume, wear something fresh but most of all greet him with a smile – make him feel good to be home.

Secondly, does my husband still love me? Well, most likely so but men don’t communicate like women or as often as women. Squeezing an “I love you,” from his lips may be more difficult than most women realize but it doesn’t change his thoughts towards you. Men communicate love with gifts, time, protection, a service (mow, take out the trash, etc), or wrestling with the kids. I agree, men need to practice saying, I love you, to their wife and showing it but don’t be startled if he hasn’t said, “I love you” in a while but today could be different. (Men, if you have waded through this blog this far then you need this, tell your wife today, “I love you”). Ladies, give him a reason to say, “I love you.”

Thirdly, is my husband listening to me? “No!” I mean, “Yes!” Well, sometimes. Would you mind repeating the question? Men are compartmentalized. It is an understatement to say that men are preoccupied. They carry their work in their head; they bury their nose in a newspaper or stare at a computer screen for hours and hardly come up for air. This is his way to escape but check his pulse occasionally.

Let me give you some ideas:

Don’t try to lay heavy decisions upon him when he first comes home from work – bluntly, he isn’t listening.

Don’t try to have an important conversation with him right before dinner – he isn’t listening.

Don’t interrupt his game, his reading or his sleep – he isn’t listening.

Instead, wait till he has been home about an hour, after supper and after his planned escape (rest time), then sit next to him and say, “You always seem to have such good advice; I need some input, would you help me?” The damsel in distress! Yes, he is listening. By giving a compliment, asking for an answer and asking for help, you have just tapped into the male brain to come to the rescue.

When you need to ask a question in a hurry, make sure you are looking at him and he is looking at you. Men need to see you to hear you – most of the time. (Men, again, if you have waded this far you are in way over your head, but the next time your wife needs to talk to you about something, look her in the eyes and give her the honor of having your complete attention. In other words, turn your phone on silent and put it in your pocket).

Well, I just thought of a few more questions… maybe, next time.

Change Your Marriage this Week!

I want a better marriage! The stone faced couple sat in front of me with tear filled eyes. They were hurt and wounded but lacked the wisdom to turn their marriage around. "Do you have a checkbook?" After they answered, taking the checkbook I explained, taking withdrawals without deposits would soon cost them more, with bank charges, then they originally had. Do you wish to have the marriage you had when you first married? They both answered an emphatic , "Yes!"
The reason for our "first love" immensity is the amount of deposits we put into the love scenario. The more you put into the marriage - the more you are able to withdrawal. Both had been taking out of the marriage without any deposits into the marriage.
Maybe you find yourself in this same predicament. You see the both of you taking out of the marriage but not putting anything back. Here are a few deposits you must put into the marriage "checking account" today.
Compliment Giving your spouse a genuine and sincere complement is like filling up the gas tank - you cn go a long ways on one compliment. Giving a heartfelt, "Wow! that was a great dinner." "Wow! you sure look great today." "Wow! you are the best ever." The "wow!" compliments can change a marriage from bad to good or from good to great in a matter of days but don't give and expect a "wow!" back. Simply give the compliment without an expected return of a compliment.
Care Giving a few simply "love pats" throughout the day lets your spouse know you acknowledge their presence. These touches should accumulate approximately seven a day to sufficiently express your thoughts and actions towards your spouse. "Love pats" can be a soft shoulder rub, a hug, a kiss on the check, holding their hand or a pat on the shoulder or back. Theses are nonsexual and not to be considered as an advance but simply a "love pat" of acknowledgement and love.
Considerate Ask honest and open-ended questions about their day, or how they feel or what's on their mind and get ready to listen. Listening is the lost art of love in many marriages. Focus your eyes, attention and heart on the one speaking. Show concern and be considerate. Husbands, you are not fixing the problem (my greatest fault) but you are simply listening and being considerate of their "bad day" experiences. You are feeling for them not fixing them.
Combine Work together. Worship together. Have fun together. Work in the yard together. Clean house together. Wash dishes together. Go on a walk together. Date, of course, together. Go to a coffee shop together. Go on a drive through the country together. Plan your vacation together. You get the picture - combine your efforts into one goal.
Call Whether you are on a business trip or working in your office - send your spouse a text message or call just to say, "I love you." Write a note and leave it for him/her when they open their lunch sack. Throughout the day let your spouse know you are thinking of them.
Complete God is the glue of the marriage and prayer is the application of the glue. To complete a marriage you must pray together. I pray, "Help me, Lord, to be the kind of husband you would be proud of." My wife prays, "Help me, Lord, be the kind of wife you would be proud of." We ask each other to forgive us for words, thoughts or actions that are creating friction rather than a loving environment. we pray together, "Lord, bless our marriage as an inspiration to others."
Comment: What are some deposits you make in your marriage that would be helpful to others?
Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author.

Ten Commandments for Husbands

Respect and honor your wife

Keep your heart and mind pure for her

Tell her often you love her

Don’t forget important dates (birthdays, anniversaries)

Admire her strengths and life her up in her weaknesses

Date her often

Visit her family

Spend prime time together

Compliment her

Pray “God make me a better husband everyday.”

Comment below: Can you add another?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

I love love

This is a guest post by Josh Hood. A great young speaker and blogger. You can catch up with him at joshuamhood.com and twitter.com/JoshuaMHood

I love love.

I love how it compels young couples to hold hands. It’s like love makes their hands magnetic.

I love how it fills their stomachs with butterflies and their eyes with stars.

I love love.

I love how it covers a multitude of faults (1 Peter 4:8). I love how it has the power to melt the hardest heart and soften the bitterest soul.

Like the pounding surf washes away words written in the sand on the beach, the waves of love can wash away the offenses and disagreements etched in the sandy soil of our hearts.

I love love.

I love the loyalty and commitment love gives birth to. It compels an old man to stay by the bedside of his dying wife in the hospital. It compels a young mother to sit up all night with her sick child.

A thousand miles seems a long way to drive… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing. A thousand hours seems a long time to work… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing. A thousand dollars seems a lot to give… unless it is motivated by love; then it seems as nothing.

I love love.

Love has an impressive resume. A long list of relationships healed and great feats accomplished. But at the very top of the list is the greatest thing love ever did…

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Love sent a Savior.

I smile softly and let out a gentle sigh every time I read those words.

Yes, indeed. I love love.

Comment below: Do you have a story of unending love?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

Confessions of a Father

The day after Father’s Day and back to work but not without some important changes. Several fathers admit there are some things they would like to change. They want to change their family future.

Most father’s admit they aren’t for sure what is expected of them and what they must do to accomplish being a “good” father. They support their family with a good work ethic, provide for the needs of the family and go to church but father’s are asking, “is something missing?”

Let’s look at what children really need from their father if we are to find adequate answers. It is true families need to be provided for but new shoes will never take the place of a father pitching the ball to his son madly swinging a bat in all the wrong directions.

Of all the requests that come from families for dad to do this or that – the most requested item is – “we just want Dad to be with us.”

“Dad time” is the most important item we can give to a child. Let’s look at some prime “dad time” ideas:

Being one to one with your child The highlight of a child’s week is when he is picked to go with dad. We must be fair to balance it out when there are more children but this “gift” of time with a child being one on one with Dad is one of the most important aspects of a child’s life.

Praying with your child Praying together makes our heart soft and grants a connection with a child, only God can give. When my children we young there were times I asked my son or daughter to forgive me for being angry, only to hear those innocence words come back, “I forgive you Dad.” Precious time is invested in a child when you are on your knees.

Love their mother Your children will find no greater security than when a Dad shows affection to their momma. A dad who expresses honor and affection to their children’s mother is a wise man.

Comment below: Do you have a “DAD TIME” moment you would like to share?

Copyrighted by Jim Laudell. Material contained in this post cannot be reproduced or copied without permission from the author.

Love and War Devotional for Married Couples

Love and War pulls the covers off the fairy tale marriage and reveals, "marriage is hard." John and Stasi Eldredge are no strangers to the "relationship field," they are best selling authors of "Wild At Heart" and "Captivatin".

This eight week adventure unfolds "real marriage," in a devotional laid out into short daily arrows of truth. "Remembering What We Wanted" begins the quest leading to "Your Spouse is Not Your Enemy" and "The Little Foxes."

Explore your marriage with 134 pages of heart searching and heart mending as "the battle for hearts continues".

"I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review"

The Master of the Marriage

In marriage when moving from one opinion to another, compromise is essential but someone must make the final decision. When mind meets matter and the post meets the pre then someone must have somewhere to go to. When arguments escalates and plans dissolve and children disobey and finances disappear there must be an anchor.

May I introduce you to the Master of the Marriage, Jesus Christ. God says, "I hate divorce" so in turn He must "love marriage." Togetherness, relationships and love all find themselves in the heart of God. Forgiveness, passion and bonding all fit in His hand.

When insurmountable odds pull at you heart and unbelievable lies fill your mind and ugly feelings take over your life there is a Master of the Marriage. Draw close to Jesus, draw near to Him. He will heal the hurt, place love in the tragedy and hope in the destiny. He created marriage, he ordained marriage and He still works in your marriage.

Find your place with Him - the life giver.

The Marriage Seasons

Each time the seasons change you will hear something like, "Oh, I just love fall." Or, they may say, "Spring is my favorite time of year." Or, "I could live with summertime weather all the time." But no matter what season you love, and in whatever climate you live, (unless extreme south or extreme summer). You will notice there are changes brought into your life by the changing seasons. It is more than the fall leaves of autumn, the budding flowers of spring, the crisp air of winter or the humid days of an August summer. It is the activities of life that make the seasons enjoyable or repulsive.

Marriage has its seasons and the events, activities and attitudes of each season can make it repulsive or enjoyable. Take for instance, researches say there are four extreme changes in a couples marriage. The first one takes place usually around the third year of marriage, friction begins to develop and mount over the differences found in our individuality. When two begin to become one flesh - friction will develop. So naturally, the differences accumulate into "irreconcilable differences," but they are reconcilable if we will follow three definitive steps: 1. Realize that there are no perfect couples 2. Forgive easily, and 3. let your differences become compliments of style and creativity. People don't usually marry someone like them but moistly, marry someone who is weaker in definite areas where they are strong.

The second major season is during the 7th year. Children are in school, moms are bored, dads are overworked, stress is inevitable, and schedules become chaotic. Here are three tips to making this season a little more enjoyable. 1. Plan ahead and schedule well. 2. Plan time alone with just the two of you and go on occasional dates. 3. Don't let the children set the day - have them set the day around you and your husband's needs first.

The third major season is the fifteenth year. Boredom is the culprit. The children are in high school, mom and dad are tired most of the time, money may be tight and life is complicated. Mostly, this difficult time can be fixed by 1. Focusing on the marriage with exciting dates, time off, a night out with friends or family without the kids, and, 2. Having talk times set at the breakfast table or before you go to bed where you can communicate without interruption.

The last season is usually midlife around the 25th year of marriage. Physical life changes add to the mix of some emotional days but these are not marriage ending conflicts. Enjoy the good days, spend time together in relaxed moments, rev up your sex life and focus on the grandchildren are all quick ways to get the emotions settled down and the marriage back on track.

Now, let's put our best effort's forward and strive to have a great marriage in any season of life.

Recreation means Re-creating

Recreation has viewed by some means to waste time, kill time or be non productive but actually in a marriage the value of recreation has been underestimated. All work and no play makes John a very dull boy.

To create a renewed sense of love and commitment time should be peppered with occasional time off for "just the two of you."

Here are a few tips on "re-creating" you love and marriage.

1. Take a day trip to a park, town or relative you haven't seen in a while.
2. Go out for desert and coffee.
3. Go for a walk around the block, through a flower garden or park.
4. Sit on the back porch with lemonade and talk about dating when you first met.
5. Work out in the yard together with mowing, landscaping or an outdoor project.
6. Stroll through a shopping mall together.
7. Go to a few garage sales and catch breakfast on Saturday morning.
8. Go out for pizza with someone you haven't seen in a while.
9. Text her/him and meet for lunch somewhere.
10. Take a drive into a neighborhood of homes for sale or into the country.

Plus, there are a dozen other things to do as the weather breaks and nice sunny days are waiting for you to enjoy.

These are the little things of life that add up to a great marriage.

MARRIAGE CHAMPIONS

In the surrounding arena are the lions of ferocious attacks against the marriages of America. Divorce claims the homes of one out of two marriages and abuse rises as flood waters after a torrential rain. It is time, maybe, past time, to leap into a fresh approach to shore up and strengthen our marriages. Not mere existence but life growth.

Life Church is sponsoring the Marriage Champions Seminar beginning February 5th and running for eight weeks. The seminar will include video clips, stories, illustrations, interaction, handouts and snacks. In collaboration with John Brown University, Northwest Arkansas Healthy Marriages and the Center for Relationship Development, Life Church will help marriages grow instead of stagnate, climb instead of fall and melt together instead of fall apart.

Go to www,nwamarriages.com for these free classes plus, enjoy the professional and confidential aspects of the class, plus, meet others pulling in the same direction, plus, snacks and fellowship afterwards plus, childcare is available.

Just what you need at the right time! Register today.

A GREAT TIME TOGETHER.

After 31 years of marriage, that's 31 Christmas holiday events, we are still planning, spending, preparing, baking, partying, gifting, tasting, decorating, scheduling, giving, going, and more. Yes, we have experienced headaches, sore feet, empty checkbooks and cold weather but my wife and I are still having a great time together.

We feel the pain of the holidays, the stress of the schedules and the overspending on the presents and I get angry, stressed, head achy, and frazzled but my wife and I are still having a great time together.

We have two grandchildren (I have pictures if you care to see them), Jake, one year old, and Kallee who was born this past Dec 3rd. We have two children, both married, who are spending Christmas with their relatives this year Rather than soak and soar; or sit and mope, we have decided to go off for Christmas Eve and Christmas day, just a couple of hours away. I found a 3.5 star hotel on Hotwire for half the price and we plan to look at Christmas lights, explore Tulsa shops and find nice restaurants to eat at and exchange gifts Christmas eve. My wife and I are still having a great time together.

Oh, we disagree, fuss, complain and the usual holiday medley but my wife and I are still having a great time together, We have cried, laughed, prayed and sometimes worried but my wife and I are still having a great time together.

We have enjoyed a great past, looking forward to a blessed future and my plans include her and her plans include me. My wife and I are still having a great time together.